


Transfer

by wingedmermaid



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Eventual Relationships, Eventual Smut, F/M, Manga Spoilers, Reader-Insert, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-19
Updated: 2014-03-24
Packaged: 2018-01-13 02:45:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 22,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1209808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wingedmermaid/pseuds/wingedmermaid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You (the reader) are a long-time member of the Garrison forces who decides she's had enough of the constant political bullshit ingrained in the system after the battle at Trost. When you transfer to the Survey Corps you're not really expecting to do much more than sacrifice yourself as a pawn for the greater good of humanity. As you settle in, however; you find that the Corps is a vastly different place from anything you could have expected and that the people there are far from what they seemed at first glance. Particularly Corporal Levi.</p>
<p>[SPOILER WARNING: This story runs parallel to the plot of the anime/manga and by the end will contains spoilers up to and partially including chapter 51 of the manga.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Desperation

**Author's Note:**

> I'm afraid that this story starts off awfully slow and takes a long time to develop but I really wanted the reader to feel properly immersed in the world. I personally love watching relationships grow over time. If you're taking the time to read this I hope you can enjoy it. m(_ _)m

It was a massacre. Bodies everywhere. Rubble everywhere. And you, so tired that all you could do was slump against the wall as you hung from the wires of your exhausted 3-Dimensional mobility gear. 

Officially you were part of the Garrison’s engineering brigade. Second-in-command to a regimental section that no longer existed. When the wall had been breached by the colossal titan your squad had done their best to seal the hole as the titans poured in. They’d ripped through the thick wire nets like they were made of paper and crashed through the wood and earth barricades like children through sandcastles. In the end all you could do was escape up the wall with a scant handful of others from the vanguard who’d not been destroyed by the first waves of monsters. 

By the time you’d gotten back to the main wall with your handful of wounded Commander Pixis was already organizing everyone for an emergency plan. As one of the few present with practical cannon experience you’d immediately been reassigned to the distraction team in the corner of Trost while the titan boy plugged the hole. You could still hear the echo of cannon-fire ringing in your ears.

Eventually, as more reinforcements were brought up, you’d been reattached to the engineering brigade. Your brigade had been sent forward to reinforce the area around the boulder and as soon as you’d seen for yourself that there was no new immediate threats you’d insisted on being allowed to help the Survey Corp. They were the ones assigned to clean up whatever titans were left in Trost after the cannons had done their work. But your request had been rejected outright. First by your own officers and then by two different minor Survey Corps officers that you approached. The only thing your persistence managed to do was draw the attention of Corporal Levi. The short man celebrated as humanity’s strongest soldier had stared at you for a few long moments with those flat, unreadable eyes before snorting dismissively and turning away to deal with his squad. 

You had been terrified that you were going to be ordered to stay with the engineers on the off chance that any stray titans showed up. Which they wouldn’t have. Because the Survey Corps was about to go eliminate all the stragglers. Terrified because you knew that if you didn’t do something with the yawning hole growing inside you that there was a good chance you’d just fall into it and disappear.

But, for some still-unknown reason, after you’d stood there for a short while longer stubbornly staring down the Garrison officers who were trying to talk you down, the ridiculously tall Survey Corps Squad Leader had called you over. After a long moment spent walking around you he had introduced himself as Mike Zacharius and given you permission to tag along with his team. You were grateful, almost to the point of tears, and you’d made a point of obeying his every word to try and prove to him he’d not made a mistake. 

Revenge had, of course, left you more empty than you’d been before. Just as it always did. The promise of something to fill the hole gone as quickly as the bodies of the titans who’d caused it. 

The sky above you was darkening now. How long had you fought? Your eyes were dull with exhaustion but even when you didn’t focus them you couldn’t stop seeing all the death and ruin spread out below you. 

You weren’t even sure when you’d lost Mike’s team. Probably after you’d found that last titan. You remembered an all-clear signal. Had you been on your way back to the Garrison headquarters? You did remember the shock and pain when your gas had given out just a moment too soon and, exhausted, you’d fumbled your landing. Smacking into the side of the wall so hard you’d scrambled your brains. But it didn’t matter now. The the wall was sealed and the titans were all dead. Nothing to do but wait for someone to find you.

As if on cue there was a tug on your wires. You felt the familiar, comforting brush of the traitorous wall against your back as you swung a little to the side. The wall that you loved. The wall that had failed humanity again today. You slowly raised your head to look up. You could almost feel the weight of the despair pressing down on your shoulders and head. 

“Hey, soldier!” A face was peering down at you. “You alive? They need everyone debriefed asap!”

A small smile tugged at your lips. You were still alive. Somehow. “Yeah. Outta gas, though.”

“Hold on!” The man was down beside you in seconds with a new set of tanks for you. “Shit luck running out less than a dozen metres from the top. Sorry it took us so long to get to you. You’re a little far from where most of the clean-up is happening right now...” He helped you change them out then paused to give you a reassuring smile before he shot back up the wall. “Coming?”

“Coming.” Your hands found the triggers to your 3DMG and you let your wires drag you back up toward the endless circles of human life inside the walls. 

The man waited and helped haul you back over the edge. You were grateful. He was one of the members of the interior supply division. Young. Spotless uniform. Eyes still overly wide from fading terror but not much trauma. Not yet. You envied him silently even as you let him help you to your feet.

“You’re not injured, are you?” His concern was evident.

“No, just... worn out.” Worn thin. Worn helpless. You straightened your shoulders slowly. Worn desperate. “Hey, is Commander Pixis still around?”

“He’s gone back to command central. That’s where the debriefings are being held as well.” The man’s hand was still on your arm in case you needed support. “Do you need-?”

“No. I’m fine now. Thank you.” You gently removed his hand and walked to the other side of the wall. You stepped off, letting the open air embrace you and suck your breath away as you fired your cables and began heading for command central. You needed to have a word with the Commander.


	2. Request

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An interview with Commander Pixis to determine the next step in your life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, more plot-building. And the wonderful Commander Pixis. I love that man.

“Commander Pixis.” You stopped just inside the door and saluted. Luckily for you his second-in-command was an incredibly clear-sighted and understanding woman. She’d taken a long look at you after you’d voiced your request then simply made some space for you in the Commander’s schedule. So different from the red-tape obsessed officers you usually worked with.

Commander Pixis looked up at you from his desk. “My condolences on the loss of your section.” His eyes were soft and you had to struggle to retain your composure.

“...Thank you, sir.” You lowered your hands and stared at his desk trying to blink back your tears before he noticed them. Well, that had certainly derailed your carefully prepared speech. 

“So, I hear you have a few ideas of your own about what we’re going to do with you now.” Pixis leaned back in his chair and regarded you calmly. “A soldier with your amount of experience and skill as a wall engineer, a minor field medic, and a survivor of both wall breeches... There are dozens of places I could use your expertise in these trying times.” 

You took a deep breath and looked up to meet his eyes. “Sir, I appreciate that, I really do, but I would still like to formally request a transfer to the Survey Corps.”

He winked at you. “You know, if you take your lovely self away, the morale of the Garrison may never fully recover.”

You couldn’t help the startled laugh that leapt from your lips followed by a snort as you tried to suck air back through the unshed tears clogging your nose. “Really now, Commander!” You felt a blush staining your cheeks as you dug in your pocket for a handkerchief. You’d known of his reputation as a terrible flirt, but still...

The Commander chuckled softly, his posture relaxing marginally as you did your best to surreptitiously blow your nose in a ladylike fashion. All the laugh lines around his eyes made him look more like your grandfather than your commanding officer. “Alright.” He sat up and gave you a more serous look. “But I do need to hear your reasons for myself.”

You straightened and looked out the window just over his shoulder. “Sir, I joined the Garrison so I could help maintain the walls. To do what I felt would best protect humanity. The events five years ago shook my confidence in them.” You could feel the frown stealing over your face as you met his eyes again. “The events we’ve just experienced crushed it. If I’m finally going to give up my life for the sake of humanity I’d like to give it for a chance at beating those bastards. And I think that boy might be the key the Survey Corps has been waiting for.”

“I see.” He folded his hands on the desk. “And of course you know that you’ll lose all your seniority if you transfer now.”

“I know.” You let a small smile quirk your lips. “But I suspect that once my Captain hears I’ve gone over her head with this it’d be over for me here anyways.”

Commander Pixis stood and walked over to you. Age aside he was still an imposing man. “I hear you made two confirmed kills and six assists over the course of the battle here. That on top of your previous record gives you a little more of a reputation than the average garrison soldier. Not every officer has turned a blind eye to your accomplishments with us, you know. I could move you anywhere you liked. Captain Hannes’s section, for example.”

Your shoulders sagged. What were accomplishments compared to the aches in your body and heart? “I appreciate that, sir, but I- I really couldn’t tell you what I did. It’s all kind of a blur...”

He rested a gentle hand on your shoulder. “I’ll talk to Commander Erwin for you. But I warn you not to expect anything.” He turned and walked back to his window. He stood there for so long that you began to wonder if you’d missed his dismissal and started to fidget a little, uncomfortable. 

But then he turned and looked at you again. "You know that boy is currently sleeping in a dungeon and as soon as he wakes up he’s going to have to face a military trial to decide his fate." You nodded, you’d heard the rumours whispered by aides rushing here and there while you'd been waiting for your interview, and Commander Pixis continued. "If he makes it into the hands of the Survey Corps you make sure to do everything and anything within your power to help him. I know Erwin will be doing everything he can but..." He trailed off and gave you a cheery smile, waving a hand lazily in the air as if to brush away his previous words. "Or at least, that’s the order I would give you, if I knew it was my last as your commanding officer."

You straightened to your full height and saluted him again. "If that were your last order then of course the only thing I could tell you is that I will, Commander Pixis. With everything I’ve got."

You turned and left then. The image of his calm smile under his tense, worried eyes burned into your brain.


	3. Interview

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dealing with the loss of old comrades even as you make your bid to join the Corps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise things are going to get at least a little less depressing for our dear reader soon.

Three days later you were staring at the last of the pyres as the flames roared higher and higher. The official who’d said such nice hollow words over the bodies had gone some time ago. The cadets were gathered off to one side. You stood alone, keeping your distance from the other still and scattered silhouettes who stood facing the fires with you in the dark as the flames roared higher.

You’d just finished an interview with one of Erwin’s seconds before this. They’d called you in on such short notice that you were still covered in the dirt and grime from the work you’d been doing. He and the few minor officers brought in to observe had been clean — spotless even — and you’d wondered for a moment what the fuck you were doing there.

Ash settled quietly on the brown shoulders of your jacket like snow.

_“Why didn’t you just join the Survey Corps when you graduated from training?”_

The calm disinterest you’d seen in the man’s eyes throughout the interview still rankled. The way those eyes had seemed to dismiss you instantly had reminded you of Corporal Levi’s and the feelings you’d been trying desperately to contain since that day. You’d had to swallow around the lump that formed in your throat before you could voice a reply.

_“When I was a cadet maintaining the walls was the surest way to protect humanity. In the past five years things have changed.”_

_“So why now instead of five years ago? You failed at gaining much of any promotion at all in the Garrison so you think you can become some kind of hero outside the walls instead?”_

You clenched your hands into fists as you stared at the fire. Hero. Who the hell wanted to be a hero? Heroes were the poor souls who survived while everyone they loved turned to dust. You’d never been more grateful to the Garrison for training you to speak politely even when you wanted to punch the person you were speaking to in the face than you had at that moment. The white-hot rage that had flared in your heart had scared you but not quite enough to contain it.

_“No, sir. Looking at the statistics of Survey Corps survival I actually expect to die pretty quickly if you choose to take me on. I’ve spent the past five years of my life desperately trying to make a difference where I was and not been able to change one thing. I’m tired of supporting a system so unwilling to change that it’s slowly killing all of us. I just want a chance to try and make a difference.”_

It had just slipped out. You’d gone very still after giving voice to your private heresy, rage evaporating like titan blood, expecting to be immediately dismissed and sent back to the Garrison in shame or perhaps kicked out of the military altogether. But, strangely, it hadn’t made the slightest impact on the man. He hadn’t even blinked. Maybe they didn’t think a few ditches, nets, and new cannons had been good enough, either.

A small smile crept onto your lips. Your Team Leader had been like that. A good woman. Unlike any other section leader you’d ever met. Totally unconcerned about saving face or reputation so as long as everything got done and everyone got home safe at night. You’d been staring fixedly at it this whole time but you couldn’t see the place where you’d gently lay her broken, headless body anymore. Just bright, hungry flames. A small moan crept up your throat and you clenched your jaws together.

_“Your paperwork shows two solo kills and several assists that date from after the fall of Wall Maria but before Trost. Tell me about them.”_

You’d not been sure but you had felt like the tone of the man’s words had softened marginally. 

_“I’ve always requested assignment to the outer edges of the wall. Accidents do happen and sometimes members of the squad fall. There have been a few occasions when titans were at the wall during one of those accidents.” You’d paused for a moment. “...I’ve never been good at standing by.”_

Neither had your Team Leader. And, as she had carefully hand-picked and groomed all of you one by one, neither had any of the rest of those who served on your Engineering team. That was the real reason you’d never been promoted. The higher-ups weren’t fond of those who couldn’t keep their hands inside the walls. The chance of saving a single life after a failed munitions test or a simple mistake didn’t weigh much against the possibility that your bad behaviour might inspire others to break the rules as well.

After that they'd dismissed you.

The pyres were almost burned away to coals now. You rubbed your forehead and your hand came away with streaks of grey sweat. The colour on your hand reminded you of those thrice-damned eyes. As you’d been rushing from the headquarters to the memorial ceremony someone had bumped into your shoulder. You’d belatedly jumped out of the way while apologizing for not looking where you’d been going. It had, of course, been Corporal Levi. 

He’d given you a cold, piercing look and pointedly brushed off his shoulder as he continued on into the building. How did he manage to contain an aura that big and intimidating in that short little body? You had banished him from your mind and hurried on to the memorial ceremony. 

Somehow the memory of his cold eyes and angry _“Watch yourself, you little shit”_ brought tears rushing to your eyes where all the rest of the gruesome work of the last few days hadn’t. 

You rubbed the ash off on your shirt so you could wipe at your damp eyes. You didn’t want to be here anymore. The coals were settling and you could see some larger fragments of the stronger bones beginning to poke out here and there. Slumping down with the ash to join whatever fragments were left between the paving stones from the previous two nights. From all the lives snuffed out so suddenly. Bits of the people you’d hugged and laughed with and shared blankets with on cold nights under the stars. You turned on your heel and started walking. 

You didn’t know where you were going.

Nowhere. 

Anywhere. 

Away.

But the tears didn’t seem to want to stop and eventually your feet found their own way back to the privacy of your cold, empty room where you curled up and sobbed like a child who’d skinned her knee until you fell into the forgetfulness of sleep.


	4. Request Granted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You pack up your old life and meet the people who will be instrumental in your new one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, some actual interaction with the COs of the Survey Corps!

Early the next day you were intercepted by the Captain of your regiment as you made your way down to breakfast. She pulled you aside and gave you a clean white envelope with your name written across it in large, official letters. Her expression was pinched and you carefully tucked the letter into your shirt before politely excusing yourself. When she didn’t stop you and demand that you open the envelope in front of her your heart skipped a beat. 

You hurried back to the room you’d been assigned to for the past five years, empty now except for your things as you hadn’t been officially reassigned to another section yet, and slammed the door behind yourself. You didn’t even bother to sit, tearing the envelope in your haste to open it. With shaking hands you pulled the perfectly folded sheet of paper free. 

_Your application for transfer had been accepted. Welcome to the Survey Corps. Please gather your belongings and report to Squad Leader Mike Zacharius at the main office by no later than 08:00 this morning for your official reassignment._

Brief and to the point. You groped at one of the bed posts for support as you sank slowly down onto one of the bare mattresses. Your breathing was short and irregular. This was what you had wanted but now that you had it you felt more like you’d just signed away your soul on a bad bet. You carefully refolded the letter and slid it back into what was left of the envelope. Then you took a deep breath and bounced back onto your feet. Eight o’clock. You didn’t have much time. 

You started stuffing your things unceremoniously in your duffel bag, carefully tying your few precious engineering theory books together and setting them aside to carry separately. Your hand hesitated as you reached for a framed sketch that sat on the small table. Friends from your cadet days. Done when you’d all been working out on Wall Maria just before the tenth anniversary of your graduation. Five years ago.

Years and years ago you’d all make a vow to become the best engineers the Garrison had ever seen. You sighed and wrapped it carefully in your everyday clothing before tucking it away as well. Now you were the only one left. And what good was a vow when those you’d made it to were gone?

When you finished the room looked as bare as it had the day the women of your section had moved in. Nothing but empty mattresses enclosed in wooden frames and the soft murmurs of memories caught in the walls. You didn’t give it a last glance as you slung your duffel over your shoulders, picked up your books, and left it behind forever.

You made your way down to the administration section to inquire as to where you might find Squad Leader Zacharius of the Survey Corps. They directed you to a temporary office set up near where you’d had your interview. You were early so you sat down in the hall with your duffel propped by your side and your books in your lap. 

As you waited a few others showed up. It hadn’t even crossed your mind that you might not be the only transfer. By the time eight o’clock rolled around there were nine of you. None of them were officers. Most of them were clearly nervous. The majority obviously sweating or trying to hide shaking hands. You gave them reassuring smiles when you had the chance.

The door opened and you all shot to you feet. Squad Leader Mike was standing there looking at you with a calm, unconcerned air. He stepped back and gestured for you to come in. As you lifted your things you sensed a strange hesitation around you. Well, you supposed it was still your duty as senior among these ex-Garrison soldiers to step up first. You crossed the threshold and heard the shuffling sounds of all the others following in your wake. 

You snapped out your name formally followed by. “Reporting for duty.”

Mike stopped you in your tracks with a hand on your shoulder.

You stiffened as he leaned in until his nose was almost buried in your neck. “S-sir?!”

There was a deep chuckle from further in the room and you glanced over, halfway to panicking, to find Commander Smith, Corporal Levi, Squad Leader Hange, and a tall blond women who’s name you didn’t know standing there watching you. You heard nervous whispering behind you as you stood there still as a statue while the tall blond man sniffed you. Like an animal. Was that what he’d been doing that day at the wall when he’d walked around you? You flinched a little when the edge of his short beard tickled your neck.

“Don’t mind him. He does that to everyone he meets.” Squad Leader Hange was giving you a reassuring grin. You wondered if she remembered you from the few times your Brigade had worked with her research squad.

“Ah, um, okay. If you say so...” You stood still until Mike pulled back with a little nod to no one in particular. 

“Still the same.” He murmured as his hand lifted off your shoulder, releasing you, and you stepped hesitantly past him to allow the next transfer to step up.

“Pretty casual language for a shit-eating transfer.” The Corporal’s eyes were narrowed at you even though he’d said it as if he was talking to the Commander. You blushed, cursing yourself mentally for making a bad first impression, and set your things down so you could salute properly. 

“My apologies Commander, Corporal, Squad Leaders.” You pulled out your letter and held it out to the Commander. “Reporting for reassignment as ordered.”

“Thank you.” Commander Smith took the letter from you and gave it a cursory glance before passing it back. “Welcome to the Survey Corps, soldier.”

“Thank you, sir.” You saluted again then moved your duffel over to a space Squad Leader Hange was motioning at. As you set the bag down you saw the corner of the Corporal’s mouth twitch in what looked like displeasure. You glanced at your bag, there was a rumpled shirt cuff threatening to escape from its mouth. You heard a soft voice mumble “Disgusting.” 

As you shoved the offending fabric down viciously the edge of the picture frame dug into your palm. You paused and felt your resolve strengthening again. You looked up and focused a steady gaze on the Corporal but the man wasn’t paying attention to you anymore. Hange, on the other hand, was looking your books thoughtfully.

Once everyone had been sniffed Commander Smith gave you all an official welcome, thanked you for the sacrifice you were making, and informed you that you would be split between Mike and Nanaba’s squads until they had had a chance to properly assess your strengths. Then you’d been abruptly excused (no one had said anything but you were well aware that Eren Jaegar’s trial was set to begin in slightly less than two hours) and the blond woman, Squad Leader Nanaba, had lead you all off to your new temporary quarters with minimal conversation. As you left the office, however, Mike had taken another sniff at the back of your neck. You’d felt all the hairs there stand up but were careful to just keep walking.


	5. Practice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now living in the old Survey Corps headquarters you prepare for your first practice and meet some of the new recruits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the comments and kudos, lovelies! I really appreciate them <3

Several days later you were standing in your new room in the castle strapping on your 3DMG. You were practicing with the new recruits today. A sardonic smile tugged at your lips as you double-checked all the straps and buckles on your worn but lovingly repaired harness. Nearly fifteen years of experience with the Garrison and suddenly you were new and unproven again. But you weren’t the only one. From the small amount of talking you’d done with the other transfers it seemed that most of them were also grasping at the glimmer of hope you’d seen in Trost and praying that it might be the start of something bigger.

You left your room and headed outside to the castle courtyard. It was easy to see where you were supposed to be. You walked over to the huddle of eerily quiet teenagers already waiting outside the stables. 

Squad Leader Ness was running the training. On the far side of the group you could see that Erd was watching over Eren today. Despite the fact that the Survey Corps was protecting him with their very best you were still making a point of becoming familiar with those watching him. You wanted to keep your word to Pixis, unofficial or not, and you figured it really couldn’t hurt to have another set of eyes watching out for him.

As you all funnelled inside to saddle your horses you heard a low voice addressing Ness. When you stepped out, leading your horse by her reins, you found Corporal Levi in quiet conversation with the man. His gaze was as flat and emotionless as ever although Ness was smiling. You gave them a curious look as you walked past. The Corporal glanced at you flatly and you lowered your head to acknowledge his warning and hopefully show that you were certainly not stupid enough to try and eavesdrop on them. But even as you dipped your head the anger inside you rose in a sharp flare.

You walked on and concentrated on dampening the flames as you found a space in the formation near two tiny blond recruits. The girl was strangely earnest looking but the boy was twitchy and nervous. You shot him a grin — trying to distract yourself from worrying about the strange flashes of reoccurring rage — and he looked shyly down at his toes. Well then. You tried a more direct tack. 

“You’re Armin Arlert, right?” You’d done a little casual investigation into the trainees around Eren but this one had gained a little of his own fame for his quick thinking at Trost.

“Um, yes...” He glanced up at you then away again.

“It’s nice to meet you in person. I’ve heard a lot of good things about you.” You told him your name then admitted softly. “I’m new here, too. Garrison transfer.”

He’d been looking embarrassed but at your last admission he went still and looked at you with wide eyes blue. “I was wondering why there were older soldiers training with us.”

“There’s nine of us.” You winked at him. “All probably just as freaked out as you are.”

Armin smiled at you brightly and you felt your heart melt a little. Then his expression sobered. “I-if you don’t mind me asking... Why did you transfer?”

“I just-” You stopped. New recruit or not he’d already been through the hell of battle. He deserved a real answer instead of some silly frippery. You let your face relax into a small frown. “What’s the point in pretending to maintain the walls to ‘protect’ humanity if we’re not allowed to improve them when they fail us?” You glanced over in the direction of Wall Rose. You couldn’t see it from here. You hadn’t spent this much time away from a wall since before you joined the Garrison. “I miss them sometimes though.”

You looked forward again. “Why did you choose the Survey Corps, Armin?” Your voice was soft and for a moment you weren’t sure if he’d heard you as he didn’t answer. When you looked down at him you saw his face was screwed up with a mixture of fear and determination.

“I want to help support my friends.” His voice was quiet but firm. All his hesitation gone. “And... I want to see the world outside.” Armin kept his eyes fixed on the reigns he was gripping tightly in his trembling hands. 

“Good. Me too. I’ve spent enough time just gazing out at it already.” You grinned at him again and this time when he looked up he returned a small smile. It was so fierce. You wondered if your own smile looked that determined. Or if it looked a little bit broken instead.

Ness stepped up in front of the group then and you all stood to attention together as he called you to order. He divided you into several smaller teams and sent you off into the forest surrounding the castle to practice 3D maneuvers. As you hopped up onto your horse you felt the hairs on the back of your neck prickle but when you looked around all you saw was the mounted riders moving around you to stream out of the castle gates and the Corporal leaning against the stable, ostensibly watching Eren practicing with Erd. You frowned but the feeling had passed so you shook out your shoulders and followed your team into the woods.


	6. Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unexpected run-in with Squad Leader Mike gets you thinking. Also, Petra.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I am really sorry it's taking so long to get to the actual Levi stuff. Bear with me another couple of chapters?
> 
> And thank you again for all the lovely kudos and comments! (#／。＼#)

One night about a week later you were sitting in the library carefully going through the musty old books in search of some specific information Hange had asked you for. She'd gotten you reassigned to her when you'd made the (apparent) mistake of asking about her work with the two captured titans and the Jaeger boy one evening. Even though the rest of the table had quickly cleared you’d surprised yourself by just how interested you actually were in her explanations. You’d found yourself asking question after question to better understand her work. 

Apparently she’d been pleased because you’d been rather abruptly reassigned from Mike’s squad to the research squad. Despite the fact that her squad was doing nothing of the sort she’d used the excuse that you had years and years of wall research under your belt already to move you. You had to admit that the projects the members of the research squad were working on were absolutely fascinating, though. And even though you were only being allowed to see the most basic experiments you already looked forward to working with them every day. 

In any case she was quite happy to make use of the Engineering training that allowed you to easily recall any numbers or facts you heard or read in passing. 

You’d just pushed away the book you’d been paging through and were rubbing tiredly at your eyes when the door creaked open behind you. You turned to look, expecting one of the recruits. Armin, maybe. But instead Squad Leader Mike stepped through the door. 

You shot to your feet. His tall form was intimidating as always. He looked around for a moment before his eyes came back to rest on you.

You saluted smartly. “Squad Leader.”

He nodded to you cordially as he walked over to look at the books you’d been studying. “Hange already taking full advantage of you?”

“I don’t mind.” You smiled at him. “I like books.”

He nodded again. “Good.”

He leaned down a little to idly flip through one of the open books. One that already had paper markers in it. The man was always so thoughtful. You smiled a little.

“These are heretical. They should have been destroyed long ago.”

You felt that damned anger ignite in your core again. He hadn’t even said it in an accusatory way. Just as a matter of fact. He was right of course, they should have, but there was so much knowledge there... You began to sputter something but he cut you off.

“Don’t let it burn you out.”

You opened your mouth then closed it. He looked down at you, unflappable as ever.

“W-what...?” It was the best you could manage.

“What’s done is done. Let whatever it is go before it destroys you.”

He closed the book again and wandered out while you were still trying to think of something to say. You felt like you were going to be sick and you didn’t know why. Why had he said that? How had he known you’d felt off since Trost? You stuffed your books onto a convenient shelf as you hurried out to the now-empty hall but he was gone. Those dammed long legs. 

Mind still whirling you retrieved your lantern and headed for your own room. But when you arrived you found you were too worked up to try and join those of your roommates who were already asleep. You spent a few moments hesitantly trying to decide what to do before you finally gave up and went striding out to the courtyard to get some fresh air. 

You stomped over to the stables, then — with softer footfalls so you didn’t upset the animals — made your way inside to your horse’s stall. She nickered softly in response when you whistled softly to her the way you had since you’d been assigned to her on your arrival here. She lipped at your outstretched hand then bumped you in the chest with her forehead when she realized you’d not brought her a treat. 

You lay gentle hands on her cheeks. “Sorry...”

She let you slide into the stall beside her and you stood there half-leaning against her as you stroked her neck. At some point you felt damp spots on her hide and realized you were crying. You sniffled softly and rubbed your face with the sleeve of your jacket. 

What did he want you to let go? It wasn’t like you were holding onto the anger, was it? Not on purpose.

Your horse sidled away from you and you realized that the hand you’d left resting on her neck was clenched in a tight fist. You forced yourself to relax and soothed her with a soft voice and touch until she moved back to you.

When you felt settled enough to be out in public again you bid her goodnight and walked slowly back outside. Most of the lights inside the castle had been put out already so the stars were bright above you. You stared up at them. 

The big dipper twinkled softly, forever pointing to the north star. One of the many constellations that you and your recruit friends had amused yourself finding during your first years on the walls. You’d thought the aches from five years ago had begun to fade over time but when you’d lost the rest of them in Trost... Everything hurt again. Cracks in your heart so deep that it felt like you’d never be whole again.

Maybe that’s what Mike was talking about. Maybe the anger was just the empty spaces inside you igniting. Maybe you were holding onto it somehow.

You reached a hand up above your head and traced the shapes in the air with your index finger. Along the Big Dipper to the North Star at the tail end of the Little Dipper then around the long curves of Draco and a jump over to-

“Hey.”

You started, dropping your hand your side. “Y-yes?!” 

Petra stepped out of the darkness, smiling gently. “What are you doing?”

“Oh- Um- I-” You’d forgotten you were out in public.

“They’re beautiful.” She looked up and smiled softly. “I don’t look at them often enough.”

“Yeah...” A smile touched the edges of your lips as well and you relaxed a little. Your memory caught on the tattered edges of a childhood story and you pointed up at the milky way. “You see that band where the sky looks like its glowing? I heard once that the souls of the departed wait there, dancing together through each night until they can be reunited with the ones they love.” You just blurted it out before taking the time to think how stupid it sounded outside your own head.

Petra laughed and looked at you with a pleased grin. “What a beautiful story.”

“It is.” You looked up at the tiny, distant lights again. “Isn’t it.” Maybe somewhere up there someone was waiting for you.

“So what are you really doing out here?” There was the slightest edge to her question.

“Trying to find myself.” You sighed and brought your thoughts back down to earth even though you left your eyes locked on the twinkling sky. “I’m... struggling with a few things still. After Trost. What are you doing out here?” Technically she was just a normal soldier, too, so you felt you could be a little more casual around her.

She considered your answer for a moment before she gave you her own. “A few of us are going to meet up and do some night practice with our gear. The moon’s going to be full when it comes up.”

“That sounds... Dangerous.” You turned to smile at her and found that her eyes were fixed on your face. Her own expression was a strange mix of pity and understanding. She wiped it away and replaced it with a smile almost before you had the chance to notice. As one of the elite squad members you really couldn’t blame her if she was suspicious about you.

“Wanna come?” Her smile was welcoming.

But you hadn’t expected that. “Um... Sure? If you don’t mind.” To be honest you’d take any chance you got to use your gear. Flying through the air was the best fix you knew for, well, anything really.

She laughed. “I wouldn’t have asked if I did.” She turned and started toward the gear shed motioning for you to accompany her.

“Is the Corporal going to be there?” You couldn’t help yourself.

“Even if he is you probably won’t see much of him.” She smiled at you mischievously. “Although you should definitely try your best because you never know. The Commander’s even come out to watch a couple of times.”

You sucked in a breath of air. “Really? Shit. I don’t know if I’m-”

“No way.” Her hand fastened onto your wrist like a manacle. “No backing out now. You transfers can use all the practice you can get.”

You laughed nervously but let her pull you into the shed.


	7. Tea and Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin catches you in the kitchen late one night and has a few questions for you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so, so much to all of you who've been reading and leaving me kudos! I really hope this is living up to your expectations. I honestly didn't expect anyone to be interested at all. m(_ _)m

You snuck into the kitchen clutching your empty hot water bottle tightly to your chest. No one. Good. You’d already had an embarrassing encounter with Squad Leader Mike in the upper halls where he’d stopped as if he was going to address you, taken a single sniff of the air, then nodded at you rather formally before striding off quickly. You were pretty sure the expression on his usually calm face had been one of mild alarm. After he’d gone you’d spent some time surreptitiously sniffing around yourself but you really couldn’t smell anything.

You sighed as you commandeered the remaining water in the tea kettle on the (blessedly still hot) stove then settled in an empty chair, clutching the soft leather bottle against your stomach. The agony rolled through your stomach in slow waves. You closed your eyes and focused on the heat of the hot water bottle, willing it to penetrate your flesh and muscles faster. Fucking body. Why were there so many things outside of your control?

When the sound of booted footsteps echoed down the hall you started out of the half doze you'd fallen into at some point and squirmed upright in your seat again. You rubbed at your face. How long had you been there? The bottle in your lap was still warm but thank every god out there your pain had faded to a faint background hum. 

The steps came through the door into the kitchen behind you. 

“Soldier, what are you doing up this late?” The deep voice caused your spine to snap straight instinctively. 

“Commander!” You struggled to your feet nearly dropping the floppy water bottle in your haste to salute. “I was, just, um...”

Commander Erwin's eyes flicked over you and he waved your half-finished excuses away. “At ease, soldier. I'm sure you have your reasons.” The tall man stepped over to the stove and lifted the lid off the kettle. Then he sighed and set it to the side. 

You felt a flush of guilt suffuse your face. You'd forgotten to refill the kettle. “Um, w-what do you need, Commander? I can boil some water and bring you a pot of tea or whatever you'd like?” 

He graced you with a slow smile. “I'd appreciate that. Tea, please. I'll be in my office. Three cups.”

You smiled back. “Right away, sir!”

As you grabbed the kettle and hurried to refill it at the water reservoir you heard his steps pause. 

You turned to find him standing there looking at you. “Um... Is there anything else I can do for you, sir?”

“Yes, actually.” He pulled up the chair you’d been in and sat squarely facing you. Despite the fact that you weren’t actually that short his large form made you feel small even when you were still standing. “You saw what happened to Squad Leader Hange’s titans.”

It was a statement, not a question. You frowned. “Yes, I did, sir.” You didn’t like to admit it but even though they were the enemy, or maybe more so because they were the enemy, those two titans had been very valuable specimens. 

He leaned back and crossed his legs casually. “Do you have any thoughts on who we’re up against?”

“Squad Leader Hange is really the authority on anything relating to titans, sir...” To be honest you’d thought about why someone would kill two full restrained titans a lot but they hadn’t been your test subjects after all.

The Commander’s stern blue eyes lost a bit of their intensity and he moved as if he was going to get up. “I see.”

‘Oh fuck it,’ you thought and opened your mouth again. “No, sir, wait a minute please.”

He stilled and folded his hands on his knee. Although his face was relaxed he was still watching you closely. You met his eyes squarely. 

“This is going to sound awful, sir.” You felt your hands convulsively clench and unclench around the handle of the kettle. You took half a moment to calm yourself, remembering how they had accepted you despite your slip-up during your interview. “I’m sure you’ve already thought of this, but... The murderer got in and out fast — and so is no-doubt quite experienced in the use of three dimensional maneuvering gear — even though there were trained guards posted all around. Which means the odds are very good that that person is a soldier.”

You glanced down at your hands then back up at him. The Commander was as focused on you as a cat on a mouse it was silently willing to take that one fatal step closer to its paw. You swallowed and shifted your feet. “So in short I think you can’t trust any of us.”

His eyes were burning holes in you. 

“If that is the case I understand, sir. I transferred at an intensely suspicious time.” You straightened and put your shoulders back. “But I assure you I’ll follow any orders you choose to give me to the end regardless.”

A slow smile spread across the Commander’s face. It was not quite comforting. “Very good. I believe Hange was right about you.” He got to his feet and clapped you on the shoulder before he left. You couldn’t stop the blush of pleasure that rushed to your face as you grinned stupidly at the back of his wide shoulders. Hange had a good opinion of you, and... Maybe the Commander did now, too.

He left then, firm steps and strong posture denying any hint of tiredness despite whatever time it was. As you carried the kettle over to the water tank you wondered, just for a moment, if the Commander was alright. The practice push for Shiganshina was still more than three weeks away. You could understand that there was planning that needed to be done but shouldn’t he be getting extra rest to recover from the battle at Trost like the rest of the company? 

While the water came to a boil you quickly set up a small tray with the teapot, teacups and saucers, milk, and, after a second of thought, took the liberty of getting a few biscuits from the officers supply cupboards and adding them on a small plate. You let the water cool for just a few moments before pouring it over the tea leaves in the pot. Then you carefully picked up the tray and began walking to the Commander's office as quickly as you could manage. 

When you reached the plain wooden door you put one arm under the tray to support it as you knocked softly. The murmur of voices inside stopped immediately. The Commander's voice called for you to come in so you opened the door a crack, rearranged your hold on the tray, and pushed the door the rest of the way open with your shoulder. You looked up to see the faces of Corporal Levi and Hange turned toward you as well as the Commander's. All of them were leaning over some papers spread out on the table. 

“Pardon me...” Even Hange was looking serious and that scared you. You didn't dare take so much as a glance at the table even though the Commander had known you’d be coming. “Your tea, sir...”

“Thank you, just set it over there.” The Commander smiled at you as he gestured toward a smaller table set along the wall by the door. 

You felt the blush from before light up your cheeks again as you set the tray down carefully. Then you saluted and backed out of the room closing the door as quietly as you could. You looked up just before it shut and saw Corporal Levi staring at you thoughtfully with those dead eyes of his. Then the door snicked closed and you took a moment to take a deep breath and compose yourself before striding back down the hall toward the kitchen. Why did he keep doing that?

You retrieved your hot water bottle and refilled it with fresh hot water (remembering to replenish the kettle this time) before you headed back to your room and the hope of a half-decent sleep. Maybe that one girl had stopped snoring.


	8. Laundry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You get some chores done with the recruits and have a brief run-in with the Corporal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna post two chapters tonight so I'll put my love note to you all on the next one.

The wind caught the damp shirt you were trying to pin on the line and snapped the wet fabric into your face. You sputtered as you jammed the pin down over the sleeve then stepped back and wiped your face dry with the back of your hand. Looking around you saw the recruits spread out between the lines (old, re-purposed 3DMG wires) with their own baskets all experiencing similar struggles with the rebellious laundry. You could hear a few softly swearing. 

You’d not quite known what to say when you’d been assigned to organize the recruits for chores this week (you had your suspicions that they’d noticed you tracking Eren and his fellow recruits and this was a gentle warning). There was just more than a week left before the big expedition and if it freed the higher-ups to do more important work then all the better. Plus it was nice to have things to distract you from the darker turns your thoughts were prone to taking when left to their own devices. And anyways, you’d done this often enough in the Garrison so it wasn’t outside your sphere of expertise. 

A pang of sadness rose up in your chest and your good mood crumbled a little. A large number of the recruits you’d taken care of back then were dead now. All good kids just like these ones.

You sighed and forced it back down. You’d been trying to let things go but it didn’t seem to be working. You shook your head as you carried your half-empty basket back toward the recruits working the wringer by the laundry room door. 

After two hours of wrestling soaked laundry through the press the poor little fellows looked exhausted. “Arlet, Springer.”

The boy’s heads snapped up and they chimed in unison. “Yes, sir!”

You gave them a gentle smile and proffered your basket. “Armin, could you finishing hanging these for me?”

“But-” He glanced down at the ringer. His arms were trembling as he gripped the crank with determination, not wanting to give up.

“I’m spelling off everyone inside.”

“Oh, of course then!” He bobbed his head at you politely as he grabbed the basket and ran off toward the lines. Connie watched him with envy.

“Connie, you take that basket and go find someone who’s almost done to trade off with.” The boy grinned and was off in a flash.

You smiled and stepped through the doorway looking for the rest of your charges in the steam-filled dimness. Soap fumes pricked at your eyes but you ignored them and clapped your hands to get the attention of the those scrubbing and boiling various types of laundry. “All of you can go on outside and pick someone to switch off with.”

Eyes brightened at the prospect of release into the sunshine and before you could count to five the room was empty. You laughed softly to yourself as you stepped up to the boiling vat and took the paddle to stir the laundry so it didn’t burn in their absence.

The sound of an annoyed ‘tch’ carried over the soft sounds of fabric swishing through water and your head snapped around to see Corporal Levi standing in the inner doorway with a bundle in his arms and an annoyed frown forming over those strange eyes. 

“Corporal.” You set down the paddle and walked over to him. “Can I help you?”

“Where the hell is Jaeger?” His voice was a soft growl and he looked pretty pissed. Or... Maybe not. It was hard to tell when his eyes never seemed to show much of any emotion. They flitted over the room taking in every detail. You knew his reputation but he didn’t seem to find anything amiss and soon enough they were focused on you again.

“He’s hanging out laundry with the others. Petra is with him.” You held out your arms careful to be extra polite. “I can take care of that for you if you’d like? Or you could wait a minute and see if he comes in. They’re switching off.”

“Fine.” He dropped the bundle into your arms. “Just don’t let them fuck it up.”

“I won’t.” You smiled at him hoping the expression looked reassuring instead of like the mask it was. You were getting accustomed to his blunt way of talking though and it didn't bother you as much as you thought it should anymore.

He didn’t even seem to notice as he turned on his heel then paused. “Tell him to report to Erd when he’s done.”

“Of course.” He strode away and you carried his clothes over to the scrubbing area. Recruits were starting to trickle in now and you assigned them to the various tasks that needed doing. The last two you grabbed by the elbows and pulled over to the scrubbing area with you. You gave them the Corporal’s things and told them who they belonged to. One of the two was Eren and you exchanged a small smile with Petra as you saw him stiffen at the mention of the Corporal’s name and grab the bundle in a desperate sort of way. The care he took with it was impressive. It was like every speck of dirt was a personal affront to him. Clearly the Corporal had made a big impression on him. 

Some hours later you were rolling your sleeves back down as you watched the recruits carefully dousing the fire under the cauldron. You indulged in a satisfied smile. Every single piece of fabric in the castle that was not currently in use had been scrubbed, soaped, sanitized, and hung out to dry in the sun. You hoped that no one would be able to find any fault with the work. 

You leaned out the doorway. “Hey! Everyone! We’re breaking for lunch! After that you’re with Ness but be back an hour before dinner to help take this all down, alright?” They scattered like leaves on the breeze in a burst of relieved chatter and in moments you were alone again. You laughed softly as you went back inside to dismiss the last few recruits who’d been tidying the washing areas. Some things never changed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've taken a cue from the series with the technology they have for doing laundry. My headcanon includes Hange occasionally whipping up a bit of new tech to deal with day-to-day chores (like wringing out wet laundry) so she can spend more time doing what she loves. 
> 
> Also, I hope it doesn't bother you but I prefer to use 'sir' for both genders. Ma'am just doesn't have quite the same connotations for me.


	9. Deliveries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You drop some supplies off for Hange and then return Levi's laundry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for all the love! I really, really appreciate it! You are all just the sweetest things. *hugs you all* And again I love comments and criticisms of all kinds so if you feel inclined to leave feedback please feel free.

“Squad leader Hange.” You stopped as you entered her office and would have saluted if your hands weren’t full. You knew she was here because Moblit was sleeping curled up on a upholstered chair just outside the door. That poor man. She often worked far into the night — you weren’t entirely sure she ever actually slept — and so her second caught naps whenever she didn’t need direct assistance (or active supervision). 

“Ah, thanks for coming!” Hange turned from her desk to beam at you. “Did you bring what I asked for?”

“Yes.” You couldn’t help smiling back. You carefully set a pile of books down on the desk beside her. Each one was filled with tiny, neatly cut pieces of paper covered in small notations.

Hange took them and began flipping through them delightedly. “Oh good job!”

You moved a little closer to Hange to see which books caught her interest first. There had been a lot in the old, dusty library and it had taken some time to get through them all to find the ones related to weaponry and hunting. “What are you planning if you don’t mind me asking?”

She grinned. The lantern already lit was making her glasses shine. The overall effect was... not quite disturbing. “Always ask. I have a new idea in the works. But, you’ll have to wait and see to find out what it is.” A light blush dusted her cheeks and her eyes were suddenly a million miles away. “It’s going to be so good if it works...” Her attention snapped back to you suddenly. “Oh, hey, did you get the other thing I asked for?”

Her gaze was as sharp as a razor and you quickly untied a bundle from the back of your belt and handed it over. She opened it and grinned at the neat pile of rags. “I can’t believe you got these away without Levi stopping you. Wadding is a much better use for these than cleaning.”

You laughed softly. “He popped in but I commandeered these later on so he didn’t see me. Where and when do you need me to be next?”

She was already sinking back into her work. “Hm? Oh, Moblit will let everyone know. Just remember to bring your recording materials.”

“I will.” Pleased that she still seemed to think of you as an asset you took your leave of your squad leader and headed back out into the last of the daylight. 

As you passed the stables you saw the Corporal leading his horse back in. Some memory lodged in your brain sang out at you and you stopped to see if you could get a better hold on it. Oh, right, the Corporal’s things. You took off at a lope toward the laundry and retrieved the neatly folded pile of clothing. You checked the creases then carefully wrapped it all tightly in a spare towel, it wouldn’t do to let Eren’s diligent work be shaken apart as you moved it, and took off back toward where you’d seen the Corporal last. 

He was gone. You took a look around the stables but there was no one. Damn, that man was fast. You chewed lightly on your lip. Possible destinations... If he’d been out maybe he’d missed dinner. You checked the kitchen but no luck. After scanning the dining hall and the common room in case he was having tea you decided there was a limit to how much energy you were willing to put into proving you were a reliable person and to just leave the clothing outside his room. You headed up the castle stairs toward the officer’s wing.

“Corporal, sir?” You rapped at his door twice. You’d lucked out and found Mike wandering the halls and so had been able to ask which room belonged to the Corporal.

“What.” His deep voice came clearly through the door and you jumped then hesitantly opened it. You hadn’t actually expected him to be in for some reason.

“I, um, brought your laundry, sir.” You stepped up into the doorway as his pale eyes raked over you. He was lounging in a chair by the window holding a sheaf of papers casually in one hand.

He stood and placed the papers neatly on a small table before walking over to you. “You again. That brat Eren couldn’t be bothered?”

One corner of your lips twitched up. “Actually, he did try to get me to let him, quite seriously, but Erd said he’s got some special cleaning duty or something this evening so I told him no.”

“I see.” The Corporal accepted the carefully wrapped bundle from you. “So why you?”

“Oh.” You blinked. “Well, I saw you when I was coming back from Hange’s office so I thought now might be a good time?”

“That’s right, you’re on that damned glasses-woman’s squad now.” The Corporal unwrapped the bundle to examine its contents. Then he let out a small snort. “That’s actually not half bad.”

“Well, I’m sure Eren will be glad to hear his careful work wasn’t a complete disappointment.” You exerted iron control over the amused curve your lips were trying to make but you let the sarcasm ring through in your words.

“Oh..?” He turned and looked at you again, one eyebrow rising ever so slightly as he did. “I didn’t realize you shitty Garrison transfers could say anything besides useless fucking platitudes.”

His look was forbidding but he didn’t seem to actually be angry so you dared a crooked half-smile. “On rare occasions inspiration does hit us, sir.”

He eyed you again. “Get out.”

You saluted and turned smartly on your heel closing the door behind you. You found yourself growing fond of the officers here. Even him. Everyone seemed to have their own particular quirks — so different from the Garrison where almost everyone (barring Pixis) tried to conform — but either despite or because of that they all seemed to be honestly good people.


	10. Mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You set off on your first mission outside the walls with the Corps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I took so long with this chapter!!! It's a bit short but we're just past the halfway point now and things should start getting more interesting from here on out! Thank you again for taking the time to read my silly work! （ﾉ´д｀）

The sun beat down on your head as you walked your horse over to where Hange and the rest of your squad were waiting. As soon as you arrived everyone saddled up. 

“All the drivers report that their cargo is complete and ready to go, squad leader!” You announced before shoving the toe of your boot into your own stirrups and joining them.

“Then we're off!” Hange's grin was almost as wide as her face as she kicked her horse into motion and lead the way to the place your squad had been assigned in the formation. You weren't sure why she was so excited already, although the prospect of finding out anything relating to the titans invariably sent her into a tizzy of excitement. You were still too concerned about the expedition itself to be excited about the objective. 

You were also concerned about the contents of a number of the carts. Luckily for you it seemed that answering Commander Erwin’s question that night had at least partially absolved you from suspicion in the Sawney and Bean case. That meant that you hadn't been totally excluded from the plan you were going to help implement today. Though you hadn’t known until you'd just now seen the covered barrels resting in the beds of the research squad carts that you'd be using the new capture gear on this mission. It was only supposed to be a test run for the mission to the basement that held the secret to Eren’s transformation. Why would you be trying to capture titans on a practice run?

You brought yourself back to the present as the Corps flew past the gathered townspeople and out the gate. You chewed your lip nearly raw as you rode with the others to take up your position near the front of the convoy line. So many things today depended on so many others. And you didn’t even really know what you were doing. 

Then the flares started going off. 

“Hey, transfer, watch your horse!” One of your squad-mates barked at you from where he was driving the wagon. 

You swore softly as you realized just how close to the giant wheels you were and guided your horse to a safer distance. The poor thing was picking up on your nervousness. You took a deep breath then and forced your mind back into the here and now again instead of the possibilities of the future. This was no worse than working on the outside of the walls. No worse. 

A red flare went up in the distance off to the right.

You had to fight to get back the breath you'd just choked on. 

“Hey.” Hange was beside you smiling in that cheerful but just slightly unnerving way she had when she was doing science. “You doing okay?”

“Yes.” It was supposed to sound brave but came out as a small squeak. You coughed. “I mean, yes, Squad Leader.” Your second attempt sounded more like your normal voice.

“Good!” She slapped you on the back so hard you nearly lost your breath again. “That's a good girl. You'll be a pro like the rest of us in no time at all.”

You tried to give her a confident smile and she kicked her horse back up to the front of your little group. You concentrated your energy on your riding. The flares kept coming, more red and then black, but from the centre of the formation you didn't see any titans. Just flares. By the time the yellow flares went up and were answered by the green flares guiding you toward the forest you could taste blood on your abused lips. You wished for a moment that the titans were here so you could do something besides running madly like a frightened rabbit.

The giant trees gave some comfort as they closed in around you, somehow reminding you of the walls. You held onto that feeling as Hange lead you to the designated spot. Then you were too busy to think about anything as you leapt off your horse and helped tip the wagons over and secure them so the gun barrels were aimed correctly. 

You and the rest of the squad set up the rest of the equipment as fast as was humanly possible. Having some experience with the wall cannons and none at all with ground-level battles you were manning one of the smaller guns in the trees that shot the joint-immobilizer poles. You zipped up the tree hugging your barrel under your arm and set about securing it to a wide branch in full view of the target area.

By the time the blast of sound that heralded the approach of the target echoed through the trees you couldn't count how many times you'd already wiped the sweat off your hands. You relaxed your fingers where they were clinging to the release mechanism like it was your last hold on life and tried to breathe slowly, deeply, and silently.


	11. Battle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something goes wrong with the mission and you're finally forced to confront titans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter has more Levi again, promise.

At first the plan seemed to be going almost flawlessly. You took a deep breath and dropped the spent release cord as you watched the abnormal female titan squirm helplessly against the dozens, no hundreds, of cables holding her in place. The senior officers were already moving to begin their carefully targeted attacks. It was amazing the way she could harden her skin like that. Just when you’d begun to relax, watching Corporal Levi speaking softly to the titan from on top of its head like he did such things every day while others scurried around preparing explosives, everything started to go wrong. 

First the titan screamed so loudly that all you could do was crouch and hold your shattering ears. That vortex of sound was followed by a brief silence where the ringing in your ears was disturbed only by the whine of a few cables winding in as the officers moved around reevaluating the situation. Then the ground began to tremble as titans converged on you from all sides and the order to attack was called.

Maybe this was it then. You shoved the hilts of your swords onto your first set of blades, listening for the comforting click as the mechanism caught. Then, grabbing onto the anger in your chest and not leaving yourself time to think you launched yourself into the air and shot toward the first wave of titans. There was no time to even to register your terror as you spun and flipped through the air dodging both the titans and your squad-mates while trying to get close enough to a target area, any target area, and strike. 

You found your chance with a five-metre class and felt cold adrenaline rush through your veins as your blades sliced cleanly through its flesh and sent a neat piece of flesh flying. You hadn’t struck deeply enough to kill but it stumbled to a halt and another soldier was right behind you to deliver the finishing blow. The titan toppled slowly over but you’d already fired a cable at another tree and were springing away toward another, taller titan. 

A giant hand flew at you from the side. Your body reacted faster than you could give it conscious directions and you’d released the cable you were depending on and flipped yourself into a roll before you knew what was happening. The cable shrieked loudly as it wound in and you caught yourself at the last second by firing your other cable into the titan’s shoulder. You let momentum carry you around and up and landed on its nape, delivering the killing blow before its wildly grasping hand had time to snatch you away. 

Your first solo kill with the Corps. As you leapt from the slowly falling titan you became conscious of a white-hot fire crackling in your core. Suddenly you weren’t so sure that you were ready to die for humanity after all. 

Everything was screams and blood and heat and bodies of all sizes blurred in motion as you flung yourself back into the melee, slicing and stabbing wherever you thought it might help. The cold fire devoured terror and anger alike leaving you free to concentrate wholly on your own movement. Giant necks, tendons, and joints became your world. 

Then you saw someone in trouble, one of their wires caught in the hand of an either abnormally fast or lucky titan. Their blades were dull from hacking at the beast and there was no time left to change them out. You swung past and cut so deeply into the titan’s fingers that some of them went tumbling off into space while its hot blood washed over you. The woman shot away with a yell of thanks. Well, that was your last set of blades dulled. You swung yourself up into the relative safety of the trees to look for the supply teams.

You were wiping steaming titan blood from your eyes when you saw the remnants of the female titan. The other titans were devouring her, bones and all. You felt your stomach lurch as the fire in your chest stuttered out and your emotions suddenly thundered back into your chest like a herd of horses. 

You turned your head away to get your bearings only to find yourself looking straight at the Commander halfway across the clearing. His face... He was smiling... but it was a smile so cold it chilled you to the bone. As you watched he carefully schooled his features and bellowed out the order to retreat. Shivering, you tore your gaze away and found your way through the titan mist to Hange and the horses as quickly as you could for the retreat.


	12. Regrouping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You have an unpleasant run-in while assisting with the regroup during the retreat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, a chapter almost completely dedicated to interactions with Levi! Sorry it took so long. m(_ _)m
> 
> And thank you all again for the kudos. They make me so happy!

You and every other member of the Corps who had any medical experience at all and weren’t seriously injured had been drafted into the medical team to care for those who had been. The rest of the uninjured and mildly injured had been assigned to collect and prepare the dead while the formation regrouped. You had picked up a good bit of experience doing field dressings with the Garrison and so you’d stayed.

“Please sit down, sir.”

“I’m busy, idiot.” The Corporal’s eyes held a hardness that might have scared you off under other circumstances.

You met their grey stare and held them with your own concerned one. “That ankle needs attention. Please?”

“Get your ass over to help someone who actually needs it.”

There _were_ other people who needed attention. But he did, too. A cold look passed between the two of you. When he started to turn away you finally snapped. 

“Sit. Your. Ass. Down. It won’t take more than _five bloody minutes_.” You hissed. Seeing so damn many dead and injured had pushed you far beyond the limits of your patience. It was very, very difficult to keep yourself from trying to force him down physically. You took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, that was out of line. But please, Corporal, this was a bad mission. It’s important for moral that everyone sees you as normal as possible right now.”

You carefully rubbed your tired eyes with gritty fingertips while you waited for his next refusal. You’d finished helping with the worst cases then made up an excuse to quickly check on Eren who was bandaged and passed out under Mikasa’s watchful gaze in a cart. On your way back from that you’d had the misfortune of noticing how Corporal Levi wasn’t putting weight evenly on both of his feet as he shuffled around the bodies of his squad. ‘ _Petra’s body_ ’ your mind had whispered at you. You’d wrenched it back to the here and now then respectfully found other injured stragglers to tend until he’d finished whatever private ritual he was performing. But he was done now and that ankle needed attention.

The shorter man narrowed his grey eyes at you until they were barely more than angry slits — at least you were pretty sure he was really looking at you now — but you held your ground. After a long moment he gave you one sharp nod then turned and led you behind one of the wagons. He stopped and lowered himself carefully to the ground. 

“Hurry it up.” When he pulled off his tall boot you noted the smallest twinge of his eyebrows. 

You didn’t speak as you thumped onto your knees in the grass and took his ankle in your hands. Carefully, you removed the foot-strap of his harness from below his already swollen ankle. You spread your somehow still almost clean handkerchief across your blood-splattered lap before resting his foot gently on it. He made a small surprised noise that you ignored. You felt him over quickly but thoroughly from knee to toe while keeping your eyes trained on his face for further signs of discomfort. 

He didn’t give you much. Just sat and stared out over your shoulder, perhaps keeping an eye out for others who might see you treating his injury. After selecting one of the lengths of stiffened bandage you had tucked about your person you began securing his ankle. You silently cursed your hands for shaking so obviously as you did.

“It’s badly sprained. You’ll need this re-wrapped after any strenuous activity or bathing you plan to do. A splint might be a good idea.” You told him as you smoothed the bandage down before tying it off. You hoped that the combined support that the bandage and his harness offered would be enough to get him back to the wall without further damage.

“Noted.” He made as if to move but you rested your hand lightly on his knee and glared at him until he went still again. He stared back at you but it wasn’t quite so cold anymore. Almost amused. You dropped your gaze again and carefully slid his foot-strap back into place. 

“I will report this to the senior medical officers. Please be sure to always have someone experienced wrap it for you. Also, stay off it as much as possible and soak it in cold water or elevate it when you can. It’ll keep the swelling down.” You slid his soft boot back over his foot before climbing to your feet. You offered him your hand. 

“Don’t bother reporting something so stupid. I’ll deal with it.” He ignored your hand and got to his feet in one smooth movement, weight balanced on his good foot. You didn’t want to admit to being impressed but you certainly were.

But still... “Understood, sir, but please take care of yourself.”

He caught your eyes and looked at you for a moment longer. You were taller than him but under that stern gaze you felt more like a small child with every emotion written clearly on your face for the world to see. You turned away abruptly, feeling frustrated and awkward and intending to stride off to finish checking the area for injured.

“Oi.” The authority in his voice stopped you where you were. “You’ve come a ways from the suicidal fool I saw at the gate in Trost but you’re still a fucking mess. Clean yourself up properly after we get back, transfer. That’s an order.”

When you turned, mouth hanging open and angry retorts swirling in your head, he was already walking off around the other side of the wagon, stride precise with only the barest sign of a limp.


	13. Bath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You clean up after returning from the mission and meet up with Hange.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hange is portrayed as a female here (mainly because I was more than halfway through writing this story when I found out they're not officially gendered in the manga). If this is a problem for you please just assume that they have chosen to present as female and all the soldiers around them accept them as such regardless of their physicality. I’m still learning about nonbinary gender (and I’m always happy to learn more) so if you have anything to say on the subject I’d love to hear it!

You’d scrubbed until all your skin was pink. All the blood was gone. All the dirt was gone. But you still couldn’t get the afterimage of the bodies rolling off the carts out of your head. Or the accusing eyes of the populace. You doused yourself with a bucket of cold water to rinse off any lingering soap then scurried shivering over to the tub of clean, hot water one of the girls had left waiting for you. The other tubs were empty now. All the other girls had either finished bathing or skipped it altogether in favour of dropping straight into their beds and the welcome oblivion of sleep. 

You sank into the water and let it envelop you in its warm caress. It soothed your bruises and scratches. You leaned your head back against the cool metal of the tub and closed your eyes. There was some faint splashing from the next room. Perhaps one of the men had decided on a late bath as well?

The door to the women’s bathing room opened then and you craned your head around to see Hange step in. Her expression was so tired that your heart immediately went out to her. “Squad Leader...”

She looked up then her face snapping back into its usual pleasant smile. “Ah, I didn’t see you there.”

You lifted a hand from the water and waved it languidly. “Years of strenuous ‘don’t-notice-me’ training with the Garrison. Why are you still awake?”

Hange began to undress and you politely looked away again. “Officers meeting. There’s probably going to be some exciting things happening soon.” Her voice tried to echo the emotion she spoke of but you could hear it waver just a little. She perched herself on the stool left in the scrubbing area and began washing herself in a listless sort of way.

“Hey.” You climbed out of the tub and wrapped yourself in a towel before walking over to her. “Let me help.” You crouched behind her and stole the cloth right out of her hand.

“Huh?” Her eyes, almost owlishly wide in the fire-lit dimness of the room, turned to look at you.

“In my recruit group we used to get pretty dirty hauling rocks and wall filler compound and stuff around.” You explained as you began scrubbing her back. “So we got used to helping each other at bath time. It’s hard to clean your own back when you’ve got something caked on there, right?”

“It is.” She relaxed a little. “That feels nice.”

“Good.” You smiled. “One of the few places on your body that you just can’t see without a mirror. We tried.”

Hange laughed then. “You tried?”

“You should have seen us contort ourselves. A bunch of idiots just out of training.” You grinned as you handed back the cloth. “All done.”

Hange took it and began scrubbing herself with more vigour. “I wish I could have.”

You smiled and left to go and reheat the bath water for her. Somehow, sharing your memories of them like this didn’t hurt so much. As you carried a few buckets of hot water from the cauldron by the fire in the corner you spoke quietly and mostly to yourself. “Plus, sometimes after something bad it’s just nice to be close to other people.”

You heard the splash of an upturned bucket and a “Brrrr!” as Hange doused herself with cold water. You turned your own bucket upside down and checked the tub’s temperature with a finger. Nice and hot again.

“Hey.”

You started, not having heard Hange padding up behind you over the damp floor. 

She smiled, her usual enthusiasm coming through her eyes again. “Thanks. You’re right.” She stepped into the tub and let out a theatrical sigh as she sank into the water. “I wonder if titans exhibit different kinds of behaviour depending on how close they are to another titan. Let’s try that out next time we have some to experiment with.”

You laughed as you set the bucket back in its place. “Sounds like an interesting hypothesis.” You toweled yourself off and pulled on your pajamas. 

“Oh, almost forgot.” Hange had her head tilted back to look at you. You stopped combing out your hair to listen. “Congratulations on surviving your first mission outside the walls. You’re one of us now.”

You felt a small bubble of pride float up in your chest and you grinned at her. “Thank you! I’m- I’m happy to be part of your squad.” Tears had sprung up in the corners of your eyes and you brushed them away hastily with the edge of your sleeve. It must be stress. How embarrassing. “Thank you for taking a chance on me, Hange.”

Hange smiled at you and you saw genuine pleasure in her face. “And let me know if you ever need help scrubbing your back.”

You smiled at her and it felt real and honest and good. “You too. Anytime.”

She lay her head back down and you left then, carefully closing the door behind you.


	14. Bandages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After your bath you assist the corporal with wrapping his sprained ankle again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again, everyone! I can't believe how many of you have even given this a chance. Goodness. (#/_\\#) There's no way I can thank you all enough, especially those of you who've been kind enough to leave kudos and comments! ♥ 
> 
> I really enjoyed writing this chapter in particular. I hope you don't feel I've deviated too far from canon with my interpretation of Levi. Thank you again for being so patient with me! Hope you enjoy!

You padded down the hall to a window and looked up at the starry sky through the distortion of the ripples in the old glass. As you shifted slowly back and forth on your feet the irregularities made it seemed like the stars were dancing. You wondered if Petra was up there and who she might be waiting for. You lay a hand against the cold glass over the big dipper and tried to smile up at them. “I’m doing my best, guys. I think I might have a chance to make a difference here... So please wait for me a little longer.”

Someone behind you cleared their throat. You jerked away from the window and whirled around to see who’d been watching you. Corporal Levi was standing there. He was wrapped in a plush-looking white robe and held a small pile of perfectly folded clothing in his hands. You could feel your cheeks redden as his cool eyes examined you and your clumsy bundle of things.

“Talking to yourself. That’s a clear sign you’ve lost it.”

“Not to myself, Corporal.” The words just slipped out. You bit your lip. Hard. Then winced at the pain as the scabs from chewing your lips cracked open again under the pressure. 

“Oh?” His lips quirked up into the ghost of a smirk. “You’re worse off than I thought then. Better go ‘fess up to the med team.”

Anger sputtered up in your chest but you settled for running a hand through your still-damp hair. You were just too tired to rise to the bait. “Yeah, probably, but I think it’s too late for their help.”

He was definitely smiling, or smirking, or whatever now. “That’s probably normal for a member of that dammed glasses-woman’s squad.”

You snorted and smirked back. “While we’re on the subject of the med team do you need your bandage re-wrapped? I’ve got time.”

“I wouldn’t want to inconvenience you.” The Corporal’s voice was dry as dust.

“No, I meant what I said then. We need you whole.” You let the smirk slide away. “I really do have time if you have a few minutes.”

His grey eyes narrowed as he regarded you. “Fine. Hurry up then.”

You stepped quickly after him as he headed down the hall. When you reached his room you hesitated outside the door, waiting to be invited in. 

“Get your ass in here, idiot. I don’t have all fucking night.” The Corporal lay his dirty clothes carefully in a basket and wiped his hands with a cloth before flopping into his chair with that strange boneless grace he had. He stuck his foot out at you aggressively. You walked over and sat yourself down cross-legged on the floor with your things in your lap. You began digging your med kit out from the untidy pile of clothes. 

He tisked at you. “Oi, don’t let those dirty pieces of shit touch my clean floor.”

You raised your head slowly and quirked an eyebrow as you gave him your best sarcastic look. “Would you like me to go get a clean kit?”

“Yes.” Not even a moment’s fucking hesitation. His eyes were as unreadable as always. 

“Fine. Give me five minutes then.” You climbed to your feet, careful to keep your laundry from touching the floor. “Anything else you need, sir?”

“Tea.” He hooked an arm over the back of his chair and gave you a perfectly calm look. Cool as a god-damned cucumber. 

You strode off to your room to dump your dirty things unceremoniously in your own laundry basket then headed down to the infirmary and the kitchen. The only person you saw was a stray recruit who ducked out of your way the moment he saw your face. Smart boy, that Jean. You had to consciously stop yourself from stomping back up the stairs with your tray of tea and bandages. When you reached his room again the only thing that had changed was that the Corporal was looking out the window with faraway eyes.

“Here.” You put the tray down a little harder than necessary and went to close the door so you wouldn’t disturb anyone in the adjacent rooms. 

“So obedient even when you’re pissed.” He mused as you poured the tea.

You flopped down in front of him again and held out your hand for his foot with a curt, “Shut up.”

He casually picked up his tea and leaned forward. “What kind of idiot soldier transfers from the Garrison to the Survey Corps just to cart laundry, tea, and bandages around?” He took a slow sip.

You stared flatly up into those hard grey eyes. “One who’s tired of being told no.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

You eyed the way he held his cup. “You know that’s tea and not hard liquor, right?”

Silence.

You lay your hand on his calf and tried to coax the injured leg forward with just a small bit of pressure but he refused to move. You sighed. “Alright. Fine. After the fall of Maria we — the engineers — came up with dozens of plans for how to improve the walls but we never got the go ahead to try anything. Not once in five years.” You looked up at the Corporal letting the sullen flames of the old frustration show through your eyes. “I personally think the only question that’ll ever get a yes from the military higher-ups is ‘do you want to fuck me’. And then only if it’s a pretty, young recruit asking.”

The Corporal actually cracked a small smile and sat back, letting you have his foot. “You ever ask them that?”

“Hell no.” You undid the old bandage with gentle fingers. “I’m way too old for those gross bastards anyways.”

“You get crass when you’re pissed off.” He observed as he let you lift his foot into your lap.

“Yeah, well, you pick up a few interesting words when you’re around the Garrison old-timers for long enough.” You pulled out a length of fresh bandage and began to wind it around his ankle.

“Five years is a fucking lot of ‘no’s. Why transfer now when your chances of biting it are so much higher in the Corps?” His voice was soft.

You paused in your wrapping and stroked the bandage softly with your free hand, feeling its coarse fabric catch on your calloused fingertips. “I suppose it’s that kid. He’s something special. I feel like if I can help his cause even just a little bit it could mean something.”

The Corporal snorted. “That’s pretty pathetic.”

You glared up at him and gave the bandage a light warning tug. “Look, I know I’m not anything special, okay? But I damn well want humanity to survive all this bullshit. Waiting for another gate to get kicked in certainly isn’t going to help. I’m tired of useless walls and I-” You bit off your words and lowered your glare back to the bandage as your tired anger started to cave into misery. “I think Commander Erwin is the best chance we’ve got. Possibly crazy, but brilliant, and definitely the best. So I’m gonna bet on him with everything I’ve got.”

“Yeah.” The Corporal shifted as you tied the bandage off. “I can understand that.” You heard him take another sip of tea. 

You sat back and rubbed the sadness out of your eyes with your thumb and index finger. “You want me to put a sock on that for you or something?”

The expression you found on his face when you looked up again made you feel a little better. Almost incredulous, you might have said. 

“A sock?” Was all the response he managed.

“Mm.” You made an agreeable noise and kept your expression carefully neutral as you looked around for a likely dresser. “To keep it warm. Where do you keep them?” You stroked a finger absently over the top of his foot while you waited for an answer and the tension between you tightened. His skin was so smooth. You’d never tell him but you liked having an excuse to touch it.

“Do you have some kind of fucked up fetish or something?” His eyes were a little wider than usual under his drawn eyebrows. A small glow of amusement warmed your chest. You were _getting_ to him. 

You smiled pleasantly up at him and gestured at your head. “Cracked, remember?”

“Get out.” The man growled as he set his teacup back down on its saucer. “I can put on my own damn socks.”

“Alright.” You picked up your med kit, grabbed the tea you’d poured for yourself off the tray, and left. As you were closing the door you dared a soft, “Good night, Corporal.”

Then you headed back to your room. A smile playing around the corners of your mouth as you walked. It was childish to delight in annoying others. But, you had to admit, you certainly felt a lot better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I would just like to note that I have nothing whatsoever against fetishes of any kind. Whatever floats your boat is cool with me, darlings.
> 
> Also, [my tumblr](http://wingedmermaid.tumblr.com/), although warn you that I don't post/reblog much.


	15. Crystal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things start to get interesting after the capture of the Female Titan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm just going to warn you all that I may not be able to post another update for about a week. I'm going on a short trip and I just don't know if I'll have time but I'll try to make some if I can! There's only three more chapters after this one, though, so you won't have to wait too much longer either way. Thank you again for all the support and appreciation and patience, darlings!

“Hey, Squad leader!” You were running down the wall with a couple of your squad members all holding a giant, patched-together tarp you’d managed to drag out of a half-crushed warehouse.

“About time. Go!” Hange snapped orders left and right and within minutes the tarp was being held across the wall-titan’s face by half a dozen soldiers while another half-dozen secured it. After driving in the last of your cable-spikes you reeled yourself back up to the top of the wall. You still couldn’t believe it. The wall you’d devoted you life to caring for... Full of titans. You shook the thought free from your head and went to help the soldiers mixing the filler compound. Later.

As they began to carry it over in preparation for patching the hole you stood to stretch out your back then froze as you saw Hange swinging a priest out over the edge of the wall, only her fist on his collar holding him back from sure death. You held your breath as they spoke in low angry voices. When the priest demanded to be dropped you took a hesitant step forward. Maybe, if she did, you could... You glanced around and could see the same thoughts rushing across the faces of those around you. But then she threw him safely back onto the wall and you heard the collective breaths of everyone on the wall all being let out in a rush. 

Once your squad leader had had a few minutes to clear her head and the priest had had a few minutes to re-accustom himself to solid ground... Or whatever it was... they headed back down the wall. You stayed to help with the temporary patch job but as soon as that was finished you were sent down to check on the people who’d taken the titan girl underground. There were guards posted all around her when you arrived and also... Corporal Levi. In fine civilian’s clothing. Staring at the girl in the crystal with the most terrifying look you’d ever seen on his face. 

You stepped in closer to take a look for yourself. The crystal was propped up with some wood and bound in chains. She looked so... sad. And alone. You were still sure that there had been tears in her eyes when you’d helped the others and Eren drag her out of her titan body. You felt the frown forming between your eyebrows. She’d killed how many of your fellow soldiers and squad-mates? How many innocent people? How could you feel anything but hatred for her?

“Soldier.” Your head whipped around at the command and you found those burning grey eyes focused on you. 

“Yes, Corporal!” You straightened and saluted him. 

“Come with me.” He turned and strode down one of the side tunnels. You followed. Trying not to stare. Those clothes looked really good on him even if the jacket was a bit too big. You shook your head. You were starting to lose your mind for real now.

When you’d gone some ways into the dark and could just barely see the Corporal in the faint light of the distant torches he stopped and turned to face you. “You saw that bitch seal herself away? She’s still alive?”

You nodded. “Yes I did. And I’m pretty sure she is.”

“Can we get her out of there?”

You sighed. “Squad Leader Hange thinks it’s unlikely. I agree.”

He turned his head to stare at the wall. He clenched his fists tighter.

“Keiji told you the same thing, didn’t he?” You rubbed your forehead. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” His cold, cold eyes were on you again when you looked up. You hadn’t even realized he’d turned back to you.

“For not having a better answer.” You lowered your hand. “When we were so close again.”

He moved then, almost faster than you could see, and you let out a whoosh of breath as you were slammed back against the wall of the tunnel. “Corporal-?”

“You had nothing to do with that fuck-up, right?” His eyes burned into you as his gloved hand jerked your collar forward again.

“No!” How could he... You snarled at him as you grabbed his wrist. “Of course I fucking well didn’t! We all tried our best to get her out!”

“New transfer. Close to some of the inner circles of the Garrison but never promoted past second-in-command of a small regimental section. Surprisingly quick to answer certain questions in the least suspicious way...” His grip tightened. He was stronger than you could have imagined. You felt fear begin to flutter in your chest along with the rage. His eyes never wavered though his bangs had fallen to partially cover them and you could just see the shine of the far-off light reflecting from them.

“I am not a traitor to the Corps.” You leaned forward and hissed it into his face from inches away.

“Prove it.” He growled back.

You bared your teeth at him. “What could I say that you’d believe?” He shook you then and your head hit the wall. Pain blossomed across the back of your skull. You let your hand fall from his wrist and just looked at him. “Do you want to kill me, sir?”

His lip raised in a sneer. “You’re stupider than I thought. You want to die?”

You looked down into his partially shadowed grey eyes. They were brimming with anger and barely restrained rage. Something inside you snapped and cooled. He wasn’t really angry with you. Maybe if he hadn’t been hurt he could have gotten the girl out before she sealed herself away where you and the others had failed. Gotten his revenge. You let out a shallow breath and calmed your voice into something soft and low. “No, I really don’t, Corporal.” You mouth stretched into what felt more like a burned-out husk than an actual smile. “But if you thought it was necessary for the Survey Corp I could accept it.” 

He let you go then and you sagged back against the wall rubbing your throat where your collar had chafed it with a shaking hand. 

He crossed his arms under his cloak and, brows furrowed, looked back down the hall toward the crystal. “No.” The word sounded as if it had been ground out between his teeth.

You laughed bitterly. “No?” Did he think you were lying?

“I don’t think it is necessary.” His eyes had returned to a more familiar sort of cold grey as he turned back to you. “But you’re still a fucking idiot.”

“Yeah.” You pushed yourself off the wall and back onto your feet tiredly. Too many surprises in too short a time weighed on your shoulders like bricks. “I know.”

You walked back toward the crystal together in silence. When you were just outside the pools of flickering torchlight illuminating the chamber that held the crystal you stopped for just a moment. “You know, Corporal, that might’ve been the first time I was ever happy to hear a ‘no’ from a commanding officer.”

He gave you a sharp look and you smiled ruefully back. His hand shot out toward you and you had a second to think, ‘shit, too far.’ But instead of pushing you back again he grabbed you by the back of your head and pulled you down to him. 

“You’re a fucking mess again.” He growled just before his lips crashed into yours. You froze. They were so soft... Even softer than his skin...

He turned out to be quite an aggressive kisser and bit at your lower lip until you opened your mouth to allow him to deepen the kiss. When his tongue slid against yours you couldn’t help yourself anymore. You let out a tiny moan and he let you go abruptly just as you were reaching for him. The heels of his boots clicked against the floor as he walked back to the guards. You stood there, hands hanging in midair, wondering what the hell had just happened. 

“Soldier!” Keiji was calling you. 

“Y-yes!” You smoothed your hair and trotted over hoping to all the gods it looked like the only thing you’d just received was an interrogation.


	16. Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the capture of the female titan everything goes to hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm back! Sorry for the delay. I didn't end up having any extra time while I was away. I'm hoping to get the last two chapters out by the end of the week. Thank you again for reading this far if you're still with me!

You didn’t get a chance to ask the Corporal what he’d meant by that kiss for a while. As soon as the crisis at wall Rose was announced Hange’s squad was assigned to deliver Eren to the wall to find and seal the breach. And so you were there when they dug the Ymir girl out of her titan body. And when Bertolt and Reiner exposed themselves on the top of the unbroken wall as the colossal and armoured titans. 

When the colossal titan had fallen and crushed Eren’s titan form you’d been knocked back and out by the blast with everyone else, suffering some moderately serious steam burns and a lot of bruising. But you were well enough to help with the more seriously wounded until Commander Erwin arrived at the head of a huge contingent. And of course you’d volunteered to go with them on the mission to save Eren. 

It had been a nightmare. A successful mission but a nightmare nonetheless. When the Commander had been hauled off his horse by the titan that had taken his arm you’d immediately jumped into the fray. Despite his bellowed order to continue the attack you and several others had leapt after the titan that had him. The officers took it down and you — along with a medical officer who was half-kneeling on the Commander’s chest where he’d hit the ground to keep him still — had tied off his spurting stump as tightly as you could manage with a length of extra rope. He pushed you both away and was back on his feet in seconds and then there was nothing to do but follow him back into the fray.

After watching the Commander somehow muster the energy to throw himself up onto the armoured titan and cut Eren free you’d tried to flee with the others. You had narrowly missed being squashed by one of the titans that the armoured titan flung at the soldiers to stop the retreat but your horse wasn’t so lucky. The titan’s sprawling arm knocked her legs out from under her, snapping them like twigs, and you both went tumbling. 

Despite the impact of your fall you'd struggled back to your feet in moments only to find everything around you in complete chaos. You’d lost sight of Eren and Mikasa and there were the bodies of people and horses and titans everywhere. The screams that tore through the air around you were the only constant.

When you’d looked at the broken form of your horse the cold fire had flared up in the emptiness inside you again. You had used it to kill the titan that had taken her out before it had time to get back on its feet. Then you’d used its already-decaying body as high ground to get your bearings. You’d spotted the Commander. He’d been unhorsed as well and titans were closing quickly. You snarled a challenge and ran in his direction as fast as your legs could carry you. You threw yourself into the path of a four-metre titan that was stumbling toward him and were abruptly jerked off your feet as its hand came out of nowhere. No time to do anything. Fucking abnormals. 

Then, somehow, just as its teeth began to tear into the arm you’d raised in a futile attempt to protect your head it had frozen in place. 

It tossed you aside and began running away without a second of hesitation. As you’d gotten unsteadily to your feet you saw all the titans running in the same direction, completely disregarding the humans scattered on the ground. Not bothering to question your luck you took a moment to wrap your bleeding arm in your cloak before you’d run for several horses that had gathered nearby, stamping nervously. You’d mounted up and, seeing the Commander already taken care of, had ridden until you’d found a couple of unhorsed recruits. You’d leapt down and helped another soldier boost the unconscious Jean up behind Armin. After mounted you’d all joined the race for the wall while the titans were distracted with attacking the armoured titan.

When you made it back you were all over bruises and cuts, your face was bloodied where you’d bashed it pretty good on the ground when your horse had gone down, and although you hadn’t dared to look yet you were pretty sure from the amount of blood seeping through your cloak that you were missing several good-sized chunks out of your left arm. Regardless, you waited until all the seriously injured had gotten safely up the wall before you made your own way up. You immediately headed over to see if there was anything you could do to help the medical team. They took one look at you and sat you right down. 

That was when you’d finally let go of the cold fire inside. As you’d slumped backward, nearly passing out as your body relaxed too quickly, they took away away your blood-soaked cloak and wrapped your arm in so many bandages that you could hardly even move it. You slept in the cart on the way back. At one point you woke up cuddled into a stranger’s shoulder. You thought about moving but he was warm and even though his head was resting on yours and his arm was around you he was out for the count so you just closed your eyes and went back to sleep.

When you woke up again you were being roused by a Garrison medical officer who was trying to heard everyone who could walk off the carts and into the barracks. You went along meekly and were tucked into a corner until they had time to stitch you up. They gave you a few shots of alcohol before they did but the effects could only help so much. By the end you were a whimpering, squirming, crying mess as hands held you down and kept your jaw forced shut on a disgusting bit of leather so you didn’t bite off your own tongue.

The cleaning and stitching seemed to take a damn long time. The doctors poured alcohol over the wounds afterwards as well to disinfect them one last time and then you were half-carried to a soft bed and left alone with another shot of alcohol. You took it thankfully and sleep did not take long to find you again.


	17. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're dragged out of bed to help a Survey Corps that's about as battered as you are get back on its feet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, second to last chapter. Thank you to everyone who's left kudos and comments again! You guys are the best! 
> 
> These last chapters are the ones I'm most nervous about so I really hope you can all enjoy them. m(_ _)m Thank you for sticking with me this long!

“Hey. Moron.”

Someone shook your shoulder and you blinked several times to clear the gunk from your eyes. You tried to prop yourself up on your arm but it screamed at you and you ended up just making a clogged-up ‘guh’ noise as you rolled onto your back. Your flailing good hand came into contact with something and held on.

“Gross.” The cool contempt in the voice was familiar.

You very carefully lifted your bandaged arm and rubbed the back of your hand over your eyes to clear them. You could feel caked blood and snot flaking away from your face. Gross was right. “Corporal?” It came out a mumble. When you realized that the thing you still had a hold on was his pristine gloved hand you immediately let go. “Ah-”

“Get up. You need a bath.” The Corporal was standing over you, still in that over-sized suit with his cravat looking as spotless and perfectly pressed as ever.

“Now? Why?” Your wits were still a little scrambled and you had a headache. You forced yourself up into a sitting position anyways. “Ow... Fuck.” You sniffed and regretted it. “Am I hungover?”

“Well you certainly smell like an alley drunk.” His face showed his disgust. “You look worse.”

You couldn’t help it. You grinned at him. More of a leer, really, with the congealed nastiness pulling at your skin. “Ouch, Corporal. At least I don’t look like I’m dead yet.”

“You’re not far off.” He whipped out a handkerchief and after dipping it gingerly in a glass of water left by your bedside began rubbing briskly at your face. “...You creepy fuckers and your smiling... _Get up_.”

You ignored the strange comment as you tried to dodge his hand — no good. The cloth aggravated your steamed skin and you yelped and failed at his hand until he stopped. “I’m going! I’m going!” 

You slowly hauled yourself out of the bed and onto your feet. Your skin was a little tight everywhere where it had been exposed to the scorching heat of the colossal titan and when you looked down you saw what a mess you were. “Damn... Are we sure I’m not dead?”

“Not very, no.” He wrapped the handkerchief carefully so no dirt was exposed before tucking it into a pocket. Then he prodded you with the tip of one gloved finger. “Go.”

You began walking, slowly. You were sure every muscle in you was seized up. “How long has it been? What are you doing here, Corporal?”

“Eight hours since you all came back in tatters. Most of that freak’s research squad are still unconscious and useless but events are moving quickly now and we can’t afford to fuck around.”

“Okay.” You let him walk ahead so you could follow him. He was stepping quickly and you had to push yourself to keep up. “Um...” You chewed on your lip. It tasted like old blood and leather. Ew. You stopped. “Corporal? The Commander, he’s...?”

“Recovering.”

You let out a deep sigh. Thank the gods. “And Eren?”

“Unharmed.”

“Good. Thank you.”

The Corporal stopped in front of a door and pushed it open. You jerked your eyes up so he couldn’t see how your eyes had been fixed the soft fabric of his clothes as it clung to his muscles so nicely while he walked. “In there. When you’re done someone will be here to tell you what to do.”

“Yes, sir.” You hesitated. “Can we... talk later? I mean, if you have time of course, I know you’re busy...”

“Just clean up and do what you’re told.” And he was gone. And you were standing alone in a long, cold hallway. Sighing, you headed into the bathroom. Maybe things would seem clearer once you were clean.

You stepped over to the bathing area and began peeling your clothing off slowly with your good hand. Most of it was ruined. But before you could get very far the chest buckle on your harness began giving you trouble. That damn titan had done something when it grabbed you. You tried to bend your arm so you could use both hands but with the bandage you just couldn’t manage it. You swore at the bent piece of metal, first softly then louder and louder, but naturally words didn’t help at all. Finally you just sat down and put your head in your hands. This was embarrassing but it was clearly just not going to work. Maybe you could ask the person who was supposed to direct you...

The door creaked open behind you. You turned your head to see a battered Hange standing in the doorway. Well, more like leaning against the door frame for support.

“Hange...” You couldn’t help it. You teared up.

She walked over. Slowly. “I’m glad to see you mostly in one piece. You get booted out of your sickbed on the Corporal’s orders, too?”

You nodded and tried not to sniffle. 

“Yeah, he can be an ass sometimes.” She looked down at you. “Need some help?”

“Please?” You got back on your feet. “I- I can’t get my harness off.”

She grinned. “Well I might be having trouble standing up on my own still but I can certainly manage that!”

“Oh.” Calmed by her non-nonsense attitude you moved closer so Hange could start working on your mangled buckle. You let her fiddle uninterrupted for a little while then couldn’t stop yourself. “Hange, do I really look worse than an alley drunk?”

Hange paused then her eyes narrowed and she grabbed your chin to examine your face carefully. She touched the area where the Corporal had tried to clean you up. “You had dried blood here...” Her expression shifted to amusement. “Did he come wake you up personally?”

“Yes?” You moved your arm as best as you could to assist her in sliding the shoulder strap off over your bandage. 

“That creep.” She was getting the strange shine in her eyes and the slight blush that she only seemed to get when she was having an epiphany. “I was wondering why you were here first... And why his aide was in such a rush to get me here. So if that... Then that... Oh, and maybe that...”

You gave her a concerned look as you undid the buckle at your waist. “Hange? I think I’m still a little drunk from the stitching. I don’t understand...”

She grinned at you widely as the last of your hip straps fell away. “Naw, don’t you worry about it.”

“I’m worrying.” You told her with a frown as you unbuckled the straps on your thighs then peeled away the rest of your tattered clothing. She was already in soft slippers and pajamas so she didn’t need much help.

“Don’t. If I’m right things will sort themselves out. And if I’m not, well, nothing to worry about.” She winked at you and you were left in dull confusion as you made your creaky way onto a stool and began washing yourself. You held your arm out awkwardly in front of you as you did so.

“I think I owe you one.” Someone stole your cloth and you looked up to see Hange grinning down at you. 

You smiled back wanly. “Yeah, but I’d take it as a favour if you’d let me do yours, too. You’re more of a walking bruise than I am.”

She waved the comment away. “Stand up so I can reach you. Bending hurts.”

You stood up and let her scrub the dirt and scabbed blood from your back. You could see it pooling darkly in the suds beneath you. “Maybe he _was_ right...” You mused. Hange chuckled then turned so you could do her back. You actually ended up helping each other quite a bit and by the time you settled in the tubs (prepared before your arrival) the water had cooled somewhat. 

“Oh, god...” You let your bandaged arm rest on the side of the tub as all your cuts screamed out in pain at the water’s touch. “There isn’t anywhere in this town where we could grab a nap without him finding us?”

“Sadly no.” Hange had her eyes closed. “He’s the tenacious kind.”

“Damn.” You sighed. “I’m almost regretting transferring now. Almost.”

Hange laughed softly but before she could reply there was a knocking at the door. “Squad leader Hange? Are you almost done?” They called your name as well and you grumbled as you shifted around so you could leverage yourself out. 

“We’re coming!” You hollered, dripping liberally on the floor as you shuffled over to help Hange out of her bath.

When you were both decent (some kind soul had left clean clothes in approximately the right sizes along with salve to soothe your singed skin) you headed out and found a haggard-looking messenger from the command team waiting for you.

“Come on, I’ve got to get you two fed and over to the Corporal’s office.” The messenger ushered you to a dining room where you were provided with a spartan breakfast of oatmeal and one small, withered apple each. You found a few recovered male members of the research squad there as well. Moblit immediately got up and limped around the table to sit by Hange’s side. After his murmured greeting no one bothered to talk as you all shovelled the food into your mouths. You couldn’t even remember your last proper meal.

When you were done the messenger hurried the mostly whole members of the group off while you and a couple others who’d suffered more serious injuries were diverted to the med team for new dressings. The busy room made the hairs on the back of your neck stand up but they were gentle this time, stripping you to examine you for other wounds and carefully soaking the blood-hardened bandages off your arm so they could cleanse your wounds again before wrapping them in fresh gauze. 

You had a lot of tiny stitches in that arm. From what the nurses told you the wounds weren’t as deep as they had feared but there was some tearing damage from the blunt teeth that would take longer to heal. You’d definitely have scarring. 

When you remembered the Commander leaping up onto the armoured titan to attack Bertholt with only the bleeding stump left of his right arm you decided that you could deal with a bit of scarring. The doctor had told you that there was no permanent damage and your arm should work correctly in time. That was more than enough.

Almost as soon as they’d tied your arm up in a sling the messenger reappeared again and whisked you away to the command room. Hange and the Corporal were deep in discussion over a map. The other members of the squad were sorting through stacks of paper in their usual efficient manner. The messenger sat you down by Keiji who gave you a pile of your own. Reports on the titans that had been found and killed. You spent the next hour cataloguing and comparing data with the others. The results were disturbing.

The Corporal stood to get everyone’s attention. “You’re going to need to go and investigate Ragako village personally. We need to know everything we can about this situation.” He paused and his eyes were a little sad as he looked at Hange. “You’ll have to take Connie with you.”

She nodded, her expression mirroring the same concerned sadness. “Right. I’m on it.”

“You’ll leave at dawn tomorrow.” Levi informed the room in general.

Everyone voiced their understanding. Levi dismissed the group then headed toward the door. As he passed your chair he paused to give you a sardonic look. “You almost look like a human being again. Someone help scrub all that shit off you?”

You started to roll your eyes at him then froze. “Wait... What?”

But he just walked on and you were left there trying not to gape like a fish. Had he been eavesdropping in the baths that time? Had he... had he sent Hange in to help you? Keiji broke your train of thought by tapping you on the shoulder. 

“Hey, did you hear me? We’ve got to get some supplies together.” He was standing over you and giving you a concerned look.

“Ah, right, I’m on it.” You got to your feet. “Do we have a list or do we need to make one?”

“I’ve got an idea of what we need. Follow me.” He started off. And just like that your day disappeared into a frenzy of preparations and packing.


	18. Agreement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The corporal catches you as you're trying to finish up your preparations for your journey to Ragako.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter! It's a good bit longer than the previous chapters. I hope it's not a disappointment. m(_ _)m 
> 
> Anyway, thank you all for hanging in there with me! And thank you so much to everyone who left kudos and comments. They really helped boost my confidence and motivation to get this done.

That evening you found yourself standing in front of a door but for the life of you you couldn’t remember what you were doing there. Had you been getting something? You stared at it for a full minute waiting for the anger or... anything. But it seemed to have burned itself out. You sighed and turned to go back and ask someone. Maybe you’d remember on the way.

But there was someone standing in front of you. Solemn grey eyes under black hair. You stopped. “Corporal?”

“What are you doing?” There was an annoyed set to his eyebrows.

“Oh... I, um, actually can’t quite remember...” You admitted softly.

He clucked his tongue at you in disbelief. “For fuck’s sake. Come with me.”

You trailed along behind him. “Where are we going?”

“Use you eyes, idiot.”

You only had the energy to bristle a little and when he didn’t continue you let it slide and looked around. The distance between the rooms was getting further and further apart. And there was actually a rug on the hall floor. Officer’s quarters?

The Corporal stopped and opened a door. “In.”

You did as you were told and found yourself in a rather nicely appointed bedroom. When you paused to look around the Corporal pushed you toward the bed. You perched on the edge and felt your body sag in anticipation of lying down. You resisted the temptation with an effort and tucked your arm into your lap so you could untie the sling. You’d had your bandages changed a few hours ago but already blood had begun to seep through the white linen in a couple of places and when you lifted your arm again... You sighed. So much for your clean white pants. Who the hell had designed this uniform anyways.

“Ugh.” He threw a cloth at you. “Wrap that up.”

“Um, sir...?” You took it and did as you were told. “What am I doing here? This is your room, right?”

“Ah, a spark of intelligence.” He lined his boots up by the door before walking over to stand in front of you.

You looked up at him. His eyes were softer somehow. “You’re not worried about me, are you?” You quirked an eyebrow and smiled up at him as you joked.

He frowned and simply looked at you for a long time. The smile faded slowly from your lips as you began to wonder what was wrong. Then he raised one of his hands and stroked his fingers down your cheek so gently you almost couldn’t feel their touch. Your breath caught in your throat. 

Snatching his hand back the Corporal turned and stepped away. “I need my ankle re-wrapped and the med team is already overworked as it is.”

A silly grin spread over your face. “Oh. Okay.”

He pulled a chair over and you’d somehow managed to wipe the ridiculous expression from your face before he glanced at you again. “Here.” He tossed you a roll of bandages before flopping into the chair and laying his foot in your lap.

You removed his sock then probed at his ankle with gentle fingers. “Compared to when this happened how much would you say it hurts when you put weight on it?”

He thought for a while as you slowly untied and unwrapped the old bandage with your good hand.

“Around forty percent.” He put an arm over the back of his chair and lounged.

“That’s good.” You let your fingers linger on the smooth skin of his bare ankle. It was still a little warmer than it should have been but that was natural. “The swelling’s gone down quite a bit.”

“How long until it’s not useless?” His leg flinched as your fingers trailed along the edge of his foot. “I knew you had a fetish...” He grumbled.

You ignored his griping. “Hm... Well... Leg injuries take a long time to heal completely because you use them all the time. The pain can take up to six months or so to fade. But you may have a normal range of ability back within a few more weeks _if_ you’re careful with it.” You started unrolling the bandage.

He grunted. “Six months...”

You took your time wrapping the bandage. As long as you moved carefully your injured arm didn’t bother you too much so you could use your other hand as a weight to hold the bandage in place. You very purposefully let your fingers come into as much contact with his skin as you could manage. “If you work on it you might be able to speed that up. I’ve got some exercises I can teach you.”

“How do you know all this?” He asked, tone suddenly turning ever so slightly accusatory.

“I spent years taking care of Garrison recruits. Guess what one of the most common injuries is when they get up to play on the walls the first few times?”

“Ah.” He relaxed again.

You tied off the bandage. “There you go.”

He set his foot on the floor then scooted his chair closer to you. He just stared at you for a long moment before frowning down at the small bloodstain on your thigh. “You said you wanted to talk. So talk.”

The chair was a little higher then the bed and you were slouching so he was actually looking down at you just a little. His bangs had flopped over his eyes. Those lovely, stormy eyes that you were finally learning to read. 

You were feeling a little out of it still. You were too tired. You really were a complete idiot. There were a hundred explanations but you never figured out which of them was the true reason for what you did next.

You reached out with your good hand, grabbed his chin, and pulled him in for a kiss.

It was his turn to freeze as your lips moved slowly against his. His posture gradually relaxed as he kissed you back, tongue flicking lightly at your lips for permission to enter. You parted your lips and slid your tongue out to meet his and it became all slow sensation and heat shared between you. You let your fingers slide back along his jaw to his neck and through the soft stubble of his undercut as you leaned into him.

Finally he took your wrist in a gentle hand and pulled back. You let out a soft sigh of disappointment. He frowned at you. “We’re in the middle of a fucking war.”

You nodded. "I know."

“We could die tomorrow, today even. There’s no time for sentimental bullshit.” He hadn’t let your wrist go.

You smiled softly. “Then I will grab at whatever fragments I can find wherever I can find them.”

His frown grew deeper. “Can you keep your focus if we do this?”

You straightened until you were at eye level and gave him a mock-offended look. “Corporal. I have my own driving forces behind me. They won’t let go of me so easily.” You let your arm lower so the hand he was still gripping your wrist with rested on your thigh. “A simple agreement whenever convenient is fine with me.”

He nodded, almost more to himself than to you. Then he looked down at the floor between you. “Fuck.”

You leaned forward, riding a sudden upwelling of unexpected but excited energy from somewhere near your core, until your lips were almost brushing his ear. “Oh, will you? Please say yes...” It came out the barest of whispers.

He let out a harsh breath and slid out of the chair and onto his knees in front of you. He grabbed your face and kissed you again, more fiercely. You lay your hand on his impressively muscled chest and let him take over your mouth with his teeth and tongue. He pulled back just enough to kiss along your jaw to your ear. Just as you were about to crumple a handful of his jacket in your hand you stopped yourself and gasped out. “Your suit...”

He stopped as well, his teeth biting down lightly on your earlobe, then let out a soft swear and pushed himself back and onto his feet. You let him go, worrying that you’d perhaps just lost your chance. He walked over to the chair and carefully and methodically removed his suit. Jacket, cravat, shirt, remaining sock, pants. The man was pure muscle. You let your eyes linger on the way the marks of prolonged harness use curved over those muscles.

When he turned back to face you you found yourself blushing like a schoolgirl. He’d left his underpants on but they certainly didn’t leave much to the imagination. He sank down onto his knees between your legs again and his hands slid around your waist. 

“Red as a tomato.” He breathed, rising until his nose almost touched yours. “Please tell me you aren’t a damned virgin at your age.” His eyes were amused.

“I’m not!” You meant it as a protest but as his fingers slid up under your shirt and kneaded into your back it ended as more of a sigh. “It’s just, been a while...” You moved your bandaged arm so it was resting out of the way on the bed beside you, ignoring the twinge of pain it sent through your system.

“How long?” The Corporal shifted forward until the length of his body was pressed against yours. You couldn’t look away from his stormy eyes.

“...Years...” You admitted. Then you nipped at his nose. “For you?”

He chuckled darkly and dipped his head to kiss your neck. “That’s still classified.”

His hands had slid back around to undo the buttons of your shirt. You tipped your head back and let him drag his teeth down to your collarbone. “Mm- That’s unfair Corporal...”

“Levi, when we’re alone.” His lips closed on the skin just below your collarbone and he sucked hard enough to leave a mark.

“Levi...” You breathed, running your hand through his hair.

He slid your shirt from your shoulders and you shivered as his fingers brushed over a series of scabbed-over scrapes that trailed across your stomach. “What the hell did you do to yourself out there?” Levi asked you in disgust.

You offered him a lop-sided grin. “Survived.”

He undid your binding and ran a hand gently over the purple and green-mottled skin of your bruised chest. “You’re a fucking mess...”

You dipped your shoulder and moved forward so that his hand was cupping one of your breasts. “But I’m still here. Isn’t that enough?” You ran the fingers of your hand down the back of his neck while you looked fondly down at him.

“It’ll have to be.” He lowered his face and rubbed his cheek over the breast he wasn’t holding. His lips closed on your soft flesh and you let the breath sigh out of your lungs. 

You explored the muscles of his shoulders as he took his time massaging and mouthing your breasts. When he took one of your nipples between his thumb and forefinger and pinched it you let your nails dig into his upper arm. He sucked gently on your other nipple while he twisted the first until you gasped. 

You ran your fingernails down his arm, careful not to scratch too hard, and were rewarded with a hum of pleasure that vibrated though your flesh. He released your breast and his hands slid down to the edge of your pants. As he undid them you slid your hand back up his arm. He grabbed your hips and lifted you up onto your feet effortlessly and so fast that you had to grab onto him for balance as he yanked your pants down. 

His hands slid back up your bare legs and thighs caressing as they went until he could hook his fingers over the edge of your panties. He looked up at you and captured your eyes with his intense stare again before he slowly pulled the last bit of fabric away from you. You stroked your fingers through his silky black hair then let them slide along his cheek. He helped you step out of the crumpled clothing then lay a soft kiss just below your navel.

“You’re not going to fold those?” Your voice was low and husky as you teased him.

He smirked and slid his mouth lower. “It’s your mess. Do it yourself.”

His hands found the backs of your thighs and pulled you closer. You shuffled forward, moving your feet further apart at his urging. When his hot mouth found its way between your legs and his tongue flicked out to explore you gasped and tightened your hand in his hair. “Ugh, can I do it later?”

His grip tightened and you moaned outright as his tongue began moving in a way that said he knew very well what he was doing and that he didn’t really give a fuck about clothing right now. As he ate you out he slid his hands up to massage your ass. You could hear your breath growing loud in your own ears and you couldn’t help making a little noise every time his tongue moved just like- “Unh...”

When you could feel your orgasm building and the muscles in your thighs started spasming he pulled back and leered up at you with those lovely grey eyes. You could feel the flush in your cheeks as you stood there panting softly.

“What do you want?” His fingers traced small circles where your ass met the back of your thighs.

You carefully moved your injured arm so you could cup his face in both your hands. “I want you, Levi.”

He moved smoothly to his feet and you let your hands slide down his neck and chest to settle on his hips. His eyes were amused. “Want me to do what? Use your words, idiot.”

You rolled your eyes at him as you tugged at the edge of his briefs. “Who’s dirty now?”

“You.” He breathed as he grabbed your head and pulled you down for another kiss. It was a little strange to be bending down to kiss someone shorter than you but oh, was it ever worth it. You pushed his briefs down over his hips then let your hands slide back up to his waist. As he stepped out of them he moved forward so the backs of your legs were pressed against the bed. You could feel him hard and ready between you as he ground his hips against yours and you let your good hand slide back to cup his ass.

“Say it.” He growled, lips just barely touching yours.

You let your need fill your eyes. “I want you to fuck me, dammit.” Then you pinched his lovely firm ass, just for spite.

“That’s better.” The smirk dancing at the corners of his mouth was the only warning you got before he tumbled you back onto the bed. You yelped as the impact jarred your arm but he was already crouching over you and his mouth and hands were everywhere to wash the pain away with pleasure. As he nipped at your neck you ran your hand up his chest and rubbed the calloused pad of your thumb over one of his nipples in a gentle circle that earned you a soft groan. 

His knee nudged your legs apart. As he moved on top of you you wrapped your legs around his hips and arched up against him. He let out a soft moan and you spent a few blissfully long minutes just grinding against each other. Finally he pulled back a little and his fingers found their way down between your legs again. 

He played with your clit until you were arching up and starting to feel the tremors starting in your thighs again. He leaned down to whisper in your ear. “Ready for me?”

You made an inarticulate growl in response and he chuckled as he fastened his teeth lightly on your earlobe. “ _Words._ ”

You groaned and threw your arm around his neck so you could arch up closer against him. “Yes, now, _please._ ”

He let your ear go as he moved back a little more and then he was easing into you. You rocked your hips up to meet him and he growled and pinned your shoulders down to the bed as he pulled back just as slowly. He took his time, experimenting with different angles until he had you groaning and writhing under him as you gripped his upper arm tightly. He began to fuck you in earnest then, sliding one hand down to grab your ass for better leverage as his thrusts became deeper and harder. 

As he bent to kiss you again your soft moans escalated into a gasping howl. He swallowed the noise and continued fucking you as your orgasm rushed over you like a wave. Then, while you were still shaking under him, he buried his face in your neck and snarled as he thrust into you hard one last time. You rolled your hips slowly up against his in an imitation of your previous pace until he relaxed, panting hard breaths against your skin. 

He let you go and rolled off to lay beside you. You nuzzled up under his chin and he put his arms around you. 

“Well?” His voice rumbled through his chest to your ear.

You sighed happily. “You can have me anytime you want, Levi.”

He snorted and his hand slid up your back so he could run his fingers through your tangled hair. “Filthy.”

You snorted and flicked your tongue out to lick the indent between his collarbones. “What are you going to do about it?”

His fingers tightened in your hair, pulling your head back, and he touched the tip of his nose to yours as he raised one eyebrow and gave you a thoughtful look that made your stomach flip over. “Oh I’ll think of something.”

You laughed then and he smoothed your hair back down. As you snuggled down you could feel him sigh contentedly and relax against you. You rested your hand on his chest. “Levi?”

“God you’re noisy.” His tone was softer than his words so you just stroked his sweaty skin lightly and continued.

“Can I stay with you tonight?” You were prepared for a no, appearances would have to be maintained of course, but you figured it was worth a try.

He paused for a long moment before you felt his lips moving to caress the shell of your ear. “Yes.”

You took a moment to absorb the answer then you smiled happily and snuggled closer. You whispered a soft, “Thank you,” against his chest. He wrapped his arms firmly around you and before long you felt yourself falling asleep. Too tired even to register the complaints of your poor abused body as the rhythm of his breath lulled you into oblivion.


End file.
